


The Shape of You

by LSPINGLES



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Episode: s01e25 This Side of Paradise, Episode: s02e05 Amok Time, F/M, M/M, Pon Farr, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 04:52:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15017042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LSPINGLES/pseuds/LSPINGLES
Summary: Spock returns to the Enterprise after the Challenge on Vulcan to discover that he has not killed the Captain. He soon realizes that his need to mate has not subsided. Doctor McCoy assists him by finding a sex worker to service his needs on Altair VI while Jim attends the inauguration ceremonies.





	The Shape of You

**Author's Note:**

> This story was helped immensely by the editing suggestions of my two betas: Alice West who suffered through both and early version and later version and Kandy Fong who provided a final sanity check. I met both these lovely ladies at KiScon in 2017.

Doctor McCoy bounced on his toes in relief as Spock and the Captain left Sickbay. Thirty minutes later, the euphoria of the reunion scene he and Nurse Chapel had witnessed, when Spock realized he had not killed the Captain, had worn off and his medical common sense started to come back to him. Spock had a hormonal imbalance caused by a biological need to mate. Had rolling in the sands in a fight to the death on Vulcan actually purged him of that problem, as Spock had suggested, or was this just temporary relief and the symptoms would resurface imminently?

McCoy sent a communication to the Captain indicating he thought it prudent to give Spock a thorough physical before they arrived at Altair VI for the remainder of the inauguration ceremonies tomorrow evening. He suggested Spock arrive for 06 00 hours. McCoy thought this would allow Spock some time to work through the stresses that had been put on his system so that he could assess whether he was stabilizing appropriately.

In the meantime, Doctor McCoy pulled up on his computer Spock’s normal charts as well as the various readings he had taken prior to their arrival at Vulcan of Spock’s hormone levels as he entered pon farr and hypothesized how fast the various hormones could dissipate from his system. He then charted out some expectations of what Spock’s hormone levels should be prior to seeing the Vulcan. He also focused on what he had observed. Starfleet pants were pretty unforgiving when it came to hiding an erection, which he knew from personal experience – on more than one occasion he had found himself holding his tricorder in an odd manner to hide the obvious. He knew Spock had been bursting at the seams when they beamed down to Vulcan, as much as he and Jim had avoided looking in that direction, but he did not have that problem when he returned. What McCoy could not recall was whether he had seen any signs of ejaculation. Had Spock simply lost interest or had he climaxed while rolling about in the sand? Further, Spock’s emotional display on seeing the Captain alive was completely out of character, his unguarded response likely due to his raging hormones. McCoy had long suspected Spock’s feelings for the Captain went deeper than simple friendship, even if Spock might be loath to admit it. He had seen the devastated look on Spock’s face when he thought he had killed the Captain. Perhaps he might even be able to act on those feelings, McCoy thought to himself, now that T’Pring had freed Spock from his pledge to her.

*****

Spock was thankful that the Captain had helped him escape Sickbay without further discussion with Doctor McCoy. As they walked, he could feel tension building in him. Now that he had a few moments to recover from the joy of realizing the Captain was indeed alive, he began wondering what he could possibly say to Jim to rebuild his trust in him, if that was even possible. Spock had never had a panic attack in his life, but he could feel his heart begin to race, his chest begin to hurt as the air left his lungs and a general sense of fear took over his body. _Should I offer my resignation – not make Jim ask for it? Will the Captain bring charges of assault against me? Where will I go – the Enterprise has become my home?_

The Captain motioned him into an empty meeting room. Spock stood stiffly at attention, trying to hold himself together, as Jim leaned against the table. _Why is Jim looking at me so intently?_ Spock wondered. “I came in here because I thought we might need a moment of privacy to regroup before heading to the Bridge. I wanted to make sure you are okay. A lot just happened and you haven’t had much time to adjust.”

Spock was having difficulty focusing. After all that had occurred, Jim was concerned with _his_ well-being. It was unbelievable. Despite Jim’s apparent ease in Sickbay, he had anticipated wariness or anger or worse.

“Spock? I want to get to the Bridge, but there is no need for you to make an appearance. There are only 3 hours left on our shift. Perhaps it would be better if you went to your quarters to rest.”

_Our_ shift, Spock thought, and felt the tension dissipating. “I would like to go to my quarters briefly to put on a clean uniform, but I believe I would like to make an appearance. I have been absent from my duties for far too long,” he said automatically, almost without any thought at all. His distracted mind chanted with relief, _He is not going to send me away_ , in a loop.

“That sounds reasonable. I intend to tell the Bridge crew that it was mutually agreed that the marriage would not proceed and that the reasons are private. That should prevent anyone from asking any details about the wedding. I am sure they will respect your privacy. Doctor McCoy and I filed a very brief report on what occurred on Vulcan. I have sent you a copy so you can familiarize yourself with what was said, and left unsaid. Finally, I have sent T’Pau a message indicating that I am alive due to the ingenuity of Doctor McCoy. It was made clear that you had no knowledge of our subterfuge. I think that covers it.”

Spock swallowed. He was again feeling a bit overwhelmed. “Jim, I . . .” He swallowed again. “I find myself at a loss for words at the moment. It is difficult to express what I felt when I looked at your lifeless body and I realized I was responsible. That you are willing to ignore these transgressions and –”

Jim cut him off before he was able to continue. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I invited you to the ceremony. I should have foreseen –”

“Don’t be ridiculous. How could you have foreseen such an outcome? It wasn’t your fault. And that is the final word,” Jim said with a smile. Then he left, saying as he went, “I’ll see you in about 30 minutes on the Bridge. That will give me time to talk to everyone and for you to freshen up.”

*****

Spock took another moment to gather himself in the briefing room, then made his way to his quarters. His controls were not what they should be, but once his hormone levels stabilized in the normal range again, he knew he would begin to feel more himself. He shuddered as he removed his blue tunic and inspected the sand on it. Spock relived again the final moments of his fight with the Captain. Jim’s hands had been around his throat, pinning him to the ground. He had the ahn woon wrapped around Jim’s throat. Jim’s grip relenting as he tightened the ahn woon, choking the life out of him. Spock reminded himself to focus on the task at hand. He then removed his boots, socks, pants, underwear and undershirt. The scent of his semen, now dried on his clothes, caused another involuntary tremor. He wondered if the Captain was aware that he had climaxed while they struggled on the Vulcan sands. _Kaiidith_ , he reminded himself. Just thinking of his body on Jim’s during their fight had begun to arouse him again. Since the Captain had given him 30 minutes, he decided he would take a sonic shower before dressing, a luxury in the middle of the work day, but something he could use to help relax his mind and body.

*****

Spock arrived back on the Bridge to polite nods of welcome from the Bridge crew. He was glad to be out of his quarters. Being on the Bridge gave him something to occupy his mind. The predictability of science had always soothed his soul, so analyzing reports and data was a balm, although he recognized that he needed to meditate to fully regain his equilibrium. He swiveled in his chair to look at the back of Jim’s head. It was hard to believe that, absent the Doctor’s quick-thinking action, he would otherwise be in the brig on route to a detention center for an unspeakable offense. Spock recognized that he would need to stop by Sickbay and thank Doctor McCoy for the subterfuge that had saved the Captain’s life. It was a _mene sa’akh_ (life debt) he owed the Doctor for saving his t’hy’la. The Doctor might protest that he was doing no more that his duty, but that did not absolve Spock of this debt, nor did he want it absolved. He wanted to be indebted to him for this.

His reverie was broken when he realized that the Captain had turned to look at him openly. Jim then got up and strolled over to the Science station. In a low-pitched voice meant only for his ears, the Captain said, “Bones would like you to report for a physical at 06 00 hours tomorrow. I guess he just wants to close the loop before we arrive at Altair VI.” Spock opened his mouth to protest, but the Captain added quickly, “That’s an order, Spock.” Jim then added with a smile in a louder voice, “Do you want to join me for dinner after the shift is over in the mess hall?” Spock nodded his acquiescence, then watched the Captain continue his stroll around the Bridge, stopping next to discuss a communication with Uhura that he wanted to send.

During dinner the Captain quickly updated Spock on various communications that had occurred while he was on sick leave and on the upcoming inauguration ceremonies on Altair VI. Their discussion was more muted than normal, the weight of what almost had occurred dampening their conversation. Jim suggested a game of chess, but Spock declined the offer, explaining that he needed some additional time to meditate. Once again Spock felt the scrutiny of his Captain. “All of this looks like it has taken quite a toll on you. You look exhausted. I can handle the Altair VI ceremonies if you need more time to recover. I’ll drag Bones or Scotty down with me if needed.”

Spock raised an eyebrow at the offer. “I expect I shall be feeling more myself by tomorrow evening,” he replied, as he rose from his chair.

Jim stood also as he waved to Scotty and Uhura, who had just entered the mess hall. “Well, let’s wait and see what Bones suggests. The festivities do not require your presence. If you need time for yourself, take it,” said Jim. “Have a relaxing evening. I am going to go catch up with Scotty and Uhura. I think we both need to unwind from the stress of the last week. We just do it in different ways.”

*****

Spock returned to his quarters, lit his firepot and put on his full-length black meditation robe. He was disturbed by the slow progress he had made in regaining control over his mind and body. In his brief time on the Bridge, he had attempted to access research regarding his circumstance, but it seemed his situation was quite unique. Not surprising really, given that the expected outcome of pon farr was mate or die. If the challenged male was victorious, he typically copulated with the woman who dared to challenge. Once she had delivered a child, she was most often returned to her clan, although in ancient times she may have been sold, as she was the male’s property. She would have no rights to the child she bore. The child would be raised in the male’s clan. The male would then look for a new mate to ultimately form a marriage bond.

Spock presumed that with the passage of time he would regain his controls, as he had noted an immediate lessening of his symptoms following his ‘victory’ over the Captain in his battle for T’Pring.   He hoped meditation would help him regain some of his control and sat himself cross-legged on his floor mat. He focused his mind and concentrated on counting his breaths, in through the nose down to his lungs, until he was sufficiently calm. He needed to analyze and compartmentalize the events of the day.   He began by examining his feeling when he woke this morning. He had been nervous. He was not sure if he and T’Pring would be compatible physically and mentally. He did not want to hurt her during their mating. He had feared losing control. However, as he thought about T’Pring, he lost focus and only agitated himself. _I was a fool to have been concerned about hurting her. Look what she almost cost me when she challenged me to fight with my Captain!_ Spock’s eyes flew open, and he realized his heart was racing. It was too great a challenge to deal with his feelings regarding T’Pring while still flooded with hormones and mentally and physically exhausted.

_Meditation tomorrow will be sufficient after a night with adequate rest_ , he thought. He made himself some spiced tea, then settled down to focus on reports from the science labs. He also reviewed the communication that had been made to Starfleet regarding the events on Vulcan. When he was nearly done, he heard Jim arrive back in his own room, shower and finish his toiletry routine in their shared bathroom. Soon thereafter, Spock also made a visit to the toilet, brushed his teeth, then came back to his room, stripped out of his robe and slid naked under the covers.

Despite his exhaustion, Spock found it difficult to fall asleep. It took 1.3 hours. Then 3.7 hours later, he awoke with a start, his right hand rapidly stroking his hardened shaft. He was fully aroused: tensed back muscles, elevated heart rate, rapid breathing, higher than normal blood pressure, flushed and heated skin. But despite his attention to the task at hand, he had been unable to come to completion. Spock groaned in frustration. He needed release. It was almost as bad as the night before his expected wedding ceremony with T’Pring. He tried to get control over his body, forced his hands to stop their unsuccessful stimulation and to relax at his side, and concentrated on diverting the blood flow away from his penis. Ever so slowly, his erection began to subside. It was now 04 32. Spock lay in the dark, thinking. Vulcans did not dream. He rarely did so. He realized that he had been re-enacting the fight with the Captain. More precisely, he had awoken exactly when he had rutted against Jim in the sand and ejaculated. However, there was one important difference. In his dream, he had melded minds with the Captain, claiming him as his mate. It was a disturbing dream, as the Captain had been in no position to give consent to a meld. He had simply taken what he needed to be complete.

It was not the first time Spock had dreamt of being with Jim. He had recognized him as his t’hy’la 2.3 years earlier. However, those few dreams involved either him submitting to Jim’s desires or two equals coming mutually together as lovers and a meld they both desired. Those dreams were nothing like what he had just experienced. Spock suspected that since his bond to T’Pring was now sundered, he was instinctually looking to claim a new mate. Had his previous bond to T’Pring tempered his actions towards Jim, even in his dreams? More importantly, how should he address his unbonded status? Spock knew in his heart that he wanted Jim as his bondmate. However, he was not certain what the Captain desired. Spock was aware that Jim was physically attracted to him and regarded him favourably as a person. But did Jim desire a lifetime relationship and permanent linking of their minds? Would Jim resist such a relationship until he was permanently stationed planet side? Although not strictly prohibited, the appropriateness of a relationship between a First Officer and Captain would be questioned by some in Starfleet, as it created a risk of compromised command decisions. Would a bonding impair Jim’s future career advancement?

Spock felt as though he should be able to resolve the issue logically; however, his analytical skills were sub-optimal. With dismay, he realized that thinking of a relationship with Jim had made him painfully hard again. He decided that perhaps a cool shower might subdue his stubborn erection. He hoped he would not disturb Jim’s slumber by taking an earlier than usual shower.  

He pushed himself up, grabbed his robe and headed to the bathroom. He hung his robe on the back of the door, set the temperature gauge and got into the shower stall. He closed his eyes and let the cool water run down his body. The water was having the desired effect when suddenly he heard Jim’s voice outside of the shower.  

“Spock, is everything okay? It’s 04 50 in the morning, which admittedly is not _that_ early for you, but you always use the sonic setting. I am sure you told me, ‘Water is a precious resource not to be wasted.’”

Spock froze. At the sound of Jim’s voice, his previously dissipating erection had sprung back to life. He cleared his throat. “Everything is fine, Jim. I had some difficulty sleeping.”

The Captain acknowledged Spock. “I suppose that is understandable. But why the water?”

Spock contemplated possible answers, but then realized the truth would be best, as he was not an accomplished liar and the Captain might just ask another question or worse yet look into the shower if he became too concerned. Spock thought the Captain would surely understand his predicament. However, he hesitated as he began to speak, “I . . . I seem to have an erection that will not subside.”

Jim laughed. “Well, cold water often does the trick. But you could always just go with the flow. The water will wash away the evidence. Anyway, I am sure you don’t need an audience. I’ll just head back to my room.”

Spock relaxed against the back wall of the shower stall. His mother was right, honesty had been the best policy. Jim’s laughter had put him at ease. With his tension eased, he found himself grabbing hold of his shaft and, not long after, he found relief. He watched as his ejaculate washed off the wall and down the drain, then turned off the water and got out of the shower.

As he dried himself off, he heard Jim moving about in his room. Jim shouted out in a friendly tone, “Problem solved?”

Spock couldn’t help himself; his lips turned up in a small smile as he answered, “Affirmative, Jim.” He put on his robe and poked his head into Jim’s room. “Since we are both up, would you care to have breakfast together?”

“Yeoman Rand is going to bring me something in 15 minutes. I’ll ask her to bring something for you as well and we can eat in my quarters,” Jim said.

Spock left to change into his uniform and returned just as Yeoman Rand was leaving. The Captain looked up from laying out the food on this desk as he entered. “We have oatmeal, berries, orange juice, coffee and tea.”  

They both sat down and helped themselves to some breakfast.

Spock inhaled the scent from his spiced tea, then took a swallow. “I reviewed the report you filed with Starfleet regarding what occurred on Vulcan. I thank you for your brevity, but are you not concerned that the lack of details might prompt questions?”

“Brass has got to have something more pressing to worry about than whether my report is sufficiently detailed. It is not as though they have any idea why we diverted to Vulcan in the first place. T’Pau is not going to tell them, and neither are we. I am sure they have a more important crisis to handle.” Jim scooped a mouthful of oatmeal, swallowed, then continued. “Now that you have had time to reflect, I imagine you must be relieved at the way things turned out. It would be an untenable position to have an irrevocable bond to someone for life who was prepared to see you die as they preferred another. Let the other guy have her,” Jim said with a small chuckle.

Spock did not share the Captain’s mirth. He slowly lowered his spoon to the table and said quietly, “My controls were not adequate for calm reflection during my meditation session yesterday. I had difficulty perceiving any positive aspects of the Challenge.” Jim noticed that Spock was gripping his spoon tightly as he continued to speak in a slow, deliberate manner. “My mind . . . chose to dwell . . . on what I tried to do . . . on what I did do . . . I –”

Jim reached out and grabbed Spock’s hand before he bent the spoon into an unrecognizable shape. A small gasp emitted from Spock as he snatched his hand away. The brief contact had broken the distracted spell he was under, but had created a flare of desire in Spock. His mind and body wanted Jim. His mind knew that his heart’s desire was Jim. His erection was back with a vengeance. Spock now clenched both hands around the spoon in his lap to avoid reaching out for contact with Jim’s mind. He was thankful his lap was partly concealed by the desk and his napkin. He thought it best if he left, his breakfast almost finished. He turned his body to try and rise quickly and conceal his condition; however, before he had progressed, his Captain spoke.

“Stay seated, Commander,” Jim said in a tone that left no room for argument, but then kindly, “Sorry. I could see you were tense, and I wanted to help. I should have guessed your shields might be compromised still and the last thing you needed was unwanted contact.”

To the Captain’s surprise, Spock quietly murmured, “‘Unwanted’ would not be an accurate term, Jim.” Spock swallowed hard, then slowly raised his eyes to look directly at the Captain. “It is the timing. I do not have sufficient controls to . . . to ensure that any actions would be mutually desired.”

Jim assimilated what Spock had said for a moment. Had Spock just directly admitted an attraction to him? He felt a slight blush heat his cheeks. “All right. Let’s hope Bones can give you something to accelerate your return to normal. If I understood you correctly, we both may be thanking T’Pring for her choice. The Challenge truly might have been a blessing in disguise,” Jim said with a grin. “Let’s finish breakfast, and then you can head over to Sickbay.”

Spock was thankful that the rest of the meal was eaten in silence.  With a concerted effort, he managed to redirect his blood flow so that his erection had somewhat subsided when he had to stand to leave for his appointment.

*****

When Spock arrived in Sickbay, Nurse Chapel and Doctor McCoy were waiting for him. Spock realized he had not even contemplated Nurse Chapel being present, which was yet another sign that he was not operating with his normal efficiency. Doctor McCoy observed Spock uncharacteristically stutter when Christine asked him a question about whether he had slept well the prior evening, and he made a quick executive decision that this physical should be completed without any assistant.

“Christine, didn’t you tell me you had some analysis to complete in the lab this morning?”

Thankfully, when Nurse Chapel turned to look at him in surprise, she read his expression from years of working together and responded smoothly, “Yes. I am just on my way now. I’ll be gone at least an hour.”

Doctor McCoy kept his eyes on Spock throughout the exchange and noticed that the tension in his shoulders eased slightly as Nurse Chapel left Sickbay and the doors closed behind her. He observed that Spock appeared tired (based on the darker circles under his eyes), tense (based on his excessive swallowing) and slightly aroused (based on the bulge in his pants). Although he was anxious to ask questions, he thought it best to get some quick baseline readings, as it was always best to have facts as a basis of conversation with Spock. He had him get on the diagnostic scanner and completed some bloodwork. As he took the readings in silence, he sensed Spock was beginning to relax a bit, and was pleased when he initiated discussion.

“Doctor McCoy, I would be remiss if I did not express my gratitude for your discretion in the report that you filed with Starfleet about my medical condition and the events on Vulcan.”

“Well, head office does not need to know the details of everything that goes on out here. Nothing that was left unsaid will impact the health or welfare of Federation citizens,” remarked Doctor McCoy. “Let’s go to my office. I can compare these results to your prior tests. We can have privacy there.”

The Doctor thought Spock might feel a bit uncomfortable discussing what he wanted to broach, and thought it might be helpful to start the discussion without direct eye contact to give Spock a bit of space. He could be more direct later, once the conversation got started. So he sat at his desk behind his computer screen, pulled up the results and pretended to study those as he formulated his first question.   The bloodwork and diagnostics simply confirmed what his instinct had told him yesterday. Spock’s hormone levels were not reducing as quickly as he would have anticipated if the end of the battle had been the end of his biological imperative to mate. He thought Spock might suspect this, but he was not sure if he had accepted the reality of the situation yet. Spock might yet be hoping it would just all go away with the passage of time. His instincts told him it would not. It was his job to make Spock face reality.

The Doctor cleared his throat. He thought it best to start with some facts and to get the lay of the land. “Your tests results show that your hormone levels remain elevated compared to your baseline readings. In fact, the results are comparable to just prior to our arrival at Vulcan. Your hormone levels are not receding as fast as I would have liked to see at this point.” McCoy turned his screen so that Spock could take a look. “I had postulated that they would have receded to at least here, assuming the rate of decline would mirror the rate of increase. Even factoring in what I thought might be a reasonable deceleration of the process, to allow for a margin of error, you are not progressing as I anticipated.”

“I also attempted to research what to expect, Doctor. The fact is there are no precedents to know what exactly the expected pattern should be.”

“I acknowledge your point, Spock. This is what my gut is telling me, based on my years of medical experience.” McCoy knew he could not afford to get riled up trying to debate Spock without facts. For a change, he would need to be the logical one, and for that he needed more information.

“Let’s move on and consider what else we know. When you arrived here this morning, Christine asked you whether you got a full night’s sleep. I heard you say after some hesitation, ‘My rest was satisfactory.’ Not affirmative. I am going to be more direct. Did you wake during the night at any point prior to your normal wake-up time?”

“Affirmative,” Spock replied quietly.

McCoy inwardly groaned, but reminded himself that patience was a virtue and that Spock was surely uncomfortable, so he said kindly, “Spock, I want to help you. It would be best if I did not have to play twenty questions to get additional information. But if that is what is needed, then that is what I will do. Nothing you say will leave this room. Could you elaborate?”

Spock glanced across the table at him momentarily, and the Doctor tried to give him a reassuring nod before he lost eye contact. Finally, Spock began to speak. “I woke up from a dream. Vulcans do not dream. Meditation is adequate for Vulcans. Normally, I do not dream either. Yesterday, my meditation session was less than productive. I had . . . difficulty remaining detached . . . and sufficiently objective regarding the events that took place on Vulcan.”

McCoy nodded as Spock spoke. “What you went through yesterday would be traumatic for anyone.   Dreaming is often a coping mechanism in Humans. Did the dream relate to the events on Vulcan?”

“It was connected. I was re-enacting some of what occurred,” Spock acknowledged.

“When and what prompted you to wake from the dream?” asked McCoy.

McCoy knew he was onto something as he heard Spock’s small intake of air. Spock swallowed hard. “It was shortly after we had switched to the ahn woon. The Captain had knocked me down in the corner. When I got to my feet, I was enraged and highly aroused. I knocked Jim down . . . we rolled on the ground . . . our groins were aligned, rubbing together . . . I woke up aroused.” Spock cleared his throat. “I tried to use manual stimulation to come to completion, but was unsuccessful.”

“So did you wait it out? How long before you were flaccid?” McCoy asked. He thought it might be informative to understand whether the period of time was longer or shorter than normal.

Spock raised his eyebrow sardonically. “I found that my controls were not sufficient to redirect the blood flow sufficiently. I determined that external measures might be beneficial and decided to have a cold shower.”

McCoy smiled. “Well, that has proven effective for many a man in your situation. How long before the desired goal was reached?”

The Doctor thought he detected a small rise of Spock’s lips. “I had almost achieved success about 5 minutes into my shower, 21 minutes after waking from my dream, when the Captain spoke to me from outside the shower. His arrival undermined my progress significantly.”

“Your hard-on returned?”

“Affirmative . . . I explained my situation, and he left to give me some necessary privacy . . . At that point, I changed tactics and with manual stimulation ejaculated 4 minutes later,” replied Spock as he clasped his hands together on his knees.

“And that bulge in your pants now, is that a slow build since the shower?” he asked directly.

He thought Spock might squirm a bit with that question, but he was relieved that he simply answered immediately in the negative, suggesting he was relaxing and becoming more comfortable with the conversation as it carried on. Spock then actually made eye contact again and said simply, “It returned 22 minutes ago.”

“Is that a normal or an unusually fast refractory period for you?”

“I have an insufficient sample with which to make a comparison. I have only engaged in coitus with one sexual partner. While she and I did –”

McCoy cut him off with a wave of his hand and asked a different question: “What prompted its return?”

“He reached out and touched me. It was instantaneous.”

“Who?” McCoy blurted out, then immediately answered his own question, “Jim,” acknowledging the fact that no one else casually reached out to touch Spock. Sure, he had touched Spock in a medical capacity, and there was sometimes incidental contact, but only Jim routinely and deliberately touched Spock. It was only Jim’s contact that Spock allowed without the offending party getting a withering look that told them ‘hands off.’ He had watched Spock use that look on more than one new crewmember who was infatuated with him.

“Affirmative. I had joined him for breakfast. We were discussing the events on Vulcan. I became . . . distracted. He reached out in concern . . . to comfort me. It was instantaneous. It seems my mind and body want –”   Spock stopped there, but it was unnecessary for him to say it out loud. They both knew how _that_ sentence ended.

Bones wondered whether Spock had surprised even himself with what he had said out loud, as he flushed a light green momentarily. Might as well grab the bull by the horns. “Based on my observations, I believe you have had strong feelings for Jim for quite some time. Correct?”

“Affirmative.”

“However, the response was different this time. I am sure I would have noticed if you had gotten an erection any time the Captain touched you.” When Spock said nothing in reply, the Doctor gently prompted him, “Am I correct, Spock?”

This time he received an eyebrow raise with Spock’s “affirmative” reply, although he could tell Spock was analyzing something. Best to keep him talking, Bones thought to himself. “So why do you think your response was different this time?”

“I am unsure. It is a fact that I am fatigued, my hormone levels are elevated and my controls are weak, but all these conditions existed just prior to my departure for Vulcan,” said Spock almost to himself.

McCoy leaned forward with interest, guessing what was troubling Spock. “And Jim touched you then without the same result?” he prompted.

“Affirmative. When he came to my quarters to discuss why I had to return to Vulcan, he clasped my wrist. The contact was longer than what occurred today. Four seconds versus one second. Both touches were equally unexpected while I was in a somewhat distracted state.” McCoy had an idea, but hoped Spock might get there without his prompting, so he willed himself to stay silent. “The only meaningful difference in the fact patterns is that previously I was bonded to T’Pring,” Spock said slowly.

“Would your prior linkage with T’Pring have prevented you from having an erection before?” McCoy asked with genuine curiosity about how the betrothal bond worked.

“Negative. I have not sufficiently explained my concern. What . . . unnerved . . . me this morning was not the physical response, as there have been three other occasions where I have had to will an erection away from Jim’s touch, it was my uncontrolled mental response that was new,” Spock said after a pause. Then he added with a look of concern, “I had to snatch my hand away. In my newly unbonded state, with my hormone levels what they are, I responded to his touch immediately. My mind knows what my heart has long desired. In addition to becoming erect, I could feel my mind being drawn to Jim. If I become fully aroused and engage in coitus with Jim, there is a significant risk, that I would be unable to prevent myself from creating a permanent bond during copulation.” He then stood, took a few paces before taking a nervous swallow and added, “Doctor, I have to prevent any such action on my part. Soon I will be unable to stop myself from being aroused and turning to him. I cannot force myself on Jim physically or mentally.”

With that admission, McCoy understood why Spock was nervous. He was pleased that Spock had trusted him sufficiently to be so honest. He knew it was difficult for Spock to admit his feelings and desires, probably more so to him, given his past tendencies to prod Spock for such reactions. Time to offer some reassurance, McCoy thought. “We’ll sort this out, Spock. You just said that your prior bond would not have prevented you from physically reacting, but would the absence of a bond perhaps heighten the compulsion for your mind and body to want to join with another? What I am wondering is whether a mature Vulcan is biologically compelled to find a partner.”

Spock forced himself to sit down again and contemplate what the Doctor had said. “Generally, no. Adult Vulcans who lose their spouse, if they survive the initial shock of the ruptured bond, are not required to immediately mate. By the time of their next pon farr, most would have found another willing partner as this is desired for mental stability upon sexual maturity. Also, when bonded couples mate, there is less risk of physical injury, as each is aware of the other’s physical state. However, having a mental bond is not a necessity. Pon farr can be survived simply by meeting the needs of the body and copulating with a partner. However, since the optimal situation is a union of mind and body during pon farr, the mind tends to be drawn to the partner as the mind and body desire to be one. If a desired bondmate is not available, there are services on Vulcan available. A professional sex worker is preferred to ensure no prior mental attachment to draw the parties together unwillingly into a permanent bond.”

McCoy nodded. “Just to confirm. Vulcans must copulate during pon farr. But a mental bond is not necessary to survive. It really is mate or die – not bond or die.”

“Affirmative. The bond is desirable, but not imperative for survival.”

McCoy waited in silence. _Spock really must be exhausted_ , he thought, _or have a mental blind spot_. Finally, Spock leaned forward and looked directly at McCoy, “I did not engage in coitus with anyone since my visit to Vulcan. I presumed the battle was sufficient as my hormone levels dipped and awareness came back to me. The normal outcome would have been my death or my mating with T’Pring. With the shock of seeing the Captain dead in my hands, I lost interest in her, but my physical needs have not been met.”

_Bingo_ , McCoy thought. “If we can meet your physical needs, do you think the compulsion to meld with the Captain will abate once your hormone levels normalize?”

“Affirmative. Once the mating period has passed, my standard mind controls should be as sufficient as they were in the past,” Spock said with the most confidence he had conveyed since arriving in Sickbay.

Before McCoy started considering options, he had to ask the obvious question. “Are you sure you don’t just want to talk to the Captain? Jim cares about you deeply. He risked his whole career just to get you to Vulcan. I have seen the way he looks at you, Spock. I think he might be very open to a deeper relationship.”

Spock nodded. “I believe that is a possibility also, but I am not certain. However, a bonding is a lifetime decision. I cannot simply be physically intimate with Jim at this time, as my mind is too strongly drawn to him. I will not pressure him into a quick decision by letting him know of my predicament.”

McCoy was impressed, not for the first time, with Spock’s integrity. Although they certainly had their differences, he admired the man. “Are you certain?”

“He needs time to properly consider his choices. He has already risked enough – his career, his life. If I can find a solution now, we will have the time we need to sort out any possible relationship later.”

McCoy stood up and headed to the replicator. “I need some coffee to think. Would you like some tea?” McCoy was stalling for time, trying to imagine how to approach a crewmember with such a request. Christine might understand the need as a professional and be willing, but she would ultimately be emotionally hurt.

Spock walked over to the machine with him. They each retrieved their drinks, then walked slowly back to McCoy’s desk. Spock broke the silence. “I would prefer not to engage in coitus with a crewmember. Even if the situation were explained, the risk that there would be misunderstanding and complications would be too great. Further, the Captain might be able to understand if I turned to a stranger for assistance, but he would feel I should have come to him rather than turn to a crewmember.”

McCoy smiled. “I agree on all counts. We’re going to arrive at Altair VI in approximately 10 hours.”

“9.4 hours,” Spock corrected.

McCoy continued unfazed by the interruption. “It’s a large planet that handles a lot of Federation business. I suspect that there may be various establishments that cater to travelers with sexual desires of all types. Let me reach out to a few people amongst the crew. I am sure I can quickly get the names of a few reputable establishments.”

Spock stated firmly, “I will not engage in coitus with anyone being coerced.”

McCoy suspected as much of the Vulcan. “Let me do the research. No one will know that the request is on your behalf. I have been known to visit a few such establishments, and everyone will think it’s for me. I’ll make all the arrangements personally. I will make it clear that the interested party is a touch telepath, and as such there can be no deception regarding the willingness of the hired party. Do you have any particular requests? Species, gender, shape, size, hair colour?” he asked.

“I have not previously given this any thought.”

McCoy gave a quick snort. “No. I don’t suppose you have.” He took a gulp of his coffee, then said, “Let me do a little digging first. Come back at 13 00 hours. I’ll tell Jim I need to see you for some medical reason. We arrive at the planet at 16 00 hours. I’ll think of some reason why you should not attend the festivities. Last thing, do you think you should be around the Captain before you get to Altair VI? I could confine you to your quarters for rest.”

“Unnecessary. I feel adequate to perform my duties on the Bridge when not alone with the Captain. In fact, I find having something to focus my attention on helpful. If at any point I think there is a risk to the Captain, I will recuse myself immediately. Further, we can reassess my condition at 13 00 hours.”

Spock then took a moment to finish his tea. When he stood, McCoy thought he looked very stern, which was a bit surprising given all the private information they had exchanged today in a pretty amicable fashion. However, he soon realized stern was not the correct word. Solemn was more appropriate. Then, to his surprise, Spock reached out and clasped his upper arms with each of his hands in a firm grip, “Leonard Horatio McCoy, I, S’chn T’gai Spock, declare a _mene sa’akh_ to you for your actions performed on the planet Vulcan in saving James Tiberius Kirk, my t’hy’la, from my hands. If it had not been for your quick thinking, I would have committed an act for which I would not have been able to forgive myself. Be it known that I will lay down my life for you in payment of this debt.”

McCoy was rendered speechless for a moment, then sputtered to life. “Don’t be ridiculous, Spock. I was just doing my job.”

“That is of no consequence. You saved both Jim and myself. The debt is sworn,” said Spock simply, then turned and left.

*****

Promptly at 13 00 hours, Spock arrived back at Sickbay. Doctor McCoy had dispatched Nurse Chapel on another task to ensure privacy. He quickly had Spock get on the diagnostic bed for some readings, then hurried him into his office.

Doctor McCoy showed Spock his latest reading in a graphic format. His hormone levels were higher than earlier in the day, but manageable and progressing at a level similar to prior to his arrival at Vulcan. It confirmed for Spock what his mind was telling him, but he appreciated seeing the data, as he did not entirely trust the accuracy of the perceptions of his own mind at present. The facts also confirmed that the course of action planned was necessary. The Captain’s scent on the Bridge was keeping him in a semi-aroused state; however, he had been able to focus sufficiently on various tasks to take his mind off his needs. He had excused himself from lunch to visit the science labs and had reminded Jim that he would be back on the bridge a bit late, as he had to visit Sickbay. He was certain he could manage for another 3 hours, as how he felt now was comparable to 17 hours prior to his arrival on Vulcan.

The Doctor was feeling a bit nervous and tried to control his fidgeting. It had been a challenge trying to decide what might suit Spock’s tastes in a hired sex worker. Many candidates had had no interest in dealing with touch telepaths, reducing the pool of available candidates significantly. When he mentioned the customer was a Vulcan, others opted out with words he would not repeat to Spock. He was certainly not going to inform them that his Vulcan was in heat. He cleared his throat. “I have several candidates, but thought I’d present the top three, to see if any of these will suffice. You can speak to any that you are interested in to make a final choice, but we need to get back to them quickly before their time is booked.”

“You may proceed.”

“Yeah, well . . . right. I have an image of each of the candidates.” McCoy turned his monitor so Spock could look at candidate number one, an Orion woman. “She has worked at this establishment for almost 10 years and has the highest satisfaction ratio of the three. Her pheromones should not impact you, but they do tend to enjoy their work.” McCoy cleared his throat and presented the image of candidate number two, a Romulan female. “Her family fell out of favour with the Praetor, and she escaped and settled on Altair VI seven years ago, before it became a member of the Federation. I got the sense she might suspect what you were going through. Her interest peaked when I said you were a Vulcan. I also thought she might be strong enough should you . . . uh . . . not stay as controlled as you might like.” McCoy looked at Spock, but had no idea whether these first two candidates held any interest for him or not. He moved on to candidate number three. “The third candidate is a Ptorian. As you know, they are also touch telepaths, and they shapeshift. One male and one female image is presented, but I was assured anything is possible. The image is more detailed the stronger the mental image you can project. The shapeshifter has been with the establishment only 6 months with mixed ratings. I do have some other candidates, some male if you prefer.”

“Negative. The third candidate will suffice. If you would make the arrangements. We are orbiting Altair VI for twenty-six hours. Please book me for the entire time. I am hopeful that will suffice. Thirty-two hours is recommended for a margin of safety; however, with my mixed heritage, a lesser time may suffice. Also, I have not entirely followed Vulcan norms up to now –”

“In what way?” McCoy asked, trying to learn as much as he could while Spock was willing to talk.

“Once pon farr has begun, there is no ejaculation until the male is fully sheathed inside his partner. I believe this is because the initial instinctive objective of pon farr is successful procreation. The Vulcan female when aroused has spasms which contract the muscles in her vagina which triggers release. These contractions assist in moving the sperm inward for conception. In Vulcan male/male pairings, the receiving male deliberately contracts the anal walls to facilitate his partner achieving climax. However, I ejaculated both during the battle and once subsequently. I believe my human genes allowed ejaculation during pon farr. Perhaps this will lessen the duration and or the intensity of my mating cycle,” Spock conjectured.

“I see your point. It seems a like a possibility. What is the normal way things happen?”

“Typically, hormone levels rise in a bell-like curve. By the time the bonded pair comes together, often they are close to the apex of the curve. The male is in plak tow and not fully aware. The first mating cycle has the steepest curve. Typically, during the first copulation, the linkage becomes a permanent bond. I understand, as a result, some awareness returns. I am not certain what impact the challenge has had. I may have a shorter cycle for two possible reasons: I may have a steeper curve now since this is the resumption of an earlier cycle or a lower apex to the curve since I have already ejaculated. Alternatively, I might simply resume the prior cycle or a different pattern entirely. Since I already went through plak tow, I am hopeful that I will not endure that stage again; however, I do not know, as my situation is unique. I am also uncertain if there is any impact from having no established link. The data pool in this area was too small to be conclusive and was exclusively from previously mated Vulcans. Some reported less awareness of the responses of their partner. Many reported that despite being unbonded, they had more control than their first coupling, as their mind was not drawn to their partner. Studies of mature Vulcan couples have indicated overall less intensity if they begin coitus immediately, although this does not preclude there being a period of high intensity, suggesting in all cases a certain peak hormone level must be achieved, although the apex in the bell curve may be lower. In summary, I am not certain what to expect.”

It wasn’t like Spock to have analyzed so much data and offer no clear hypothesis. The Doctor knew Spock probably hated the uncertainty of his situation and offered sympathetically, “Don’t over analyze things, Spock. I am sure everyone’s first experience with pon farr is different. Contact me in the morning to let me know if you think you will need more time. I am sure Scotty could find some problem that would require additional time to correct for a safe departure if I needed him to create a delay.”

Spock was pensive for a moment. “I have not yet informed the Captain that I will not be accompanying him to the inauguration ceremonies. I am somewhat at a loss as to how to explain my absence without it raising questions in his mind.”

“Leave that to me. I’ve also made a booking at a retreat as a cover.” McCoy then called the Bridge. “Jim, I just looked over Spock’s readings. He’s making progress, but what he really needs is time for meditation and relaxation. We could leave him on the ship, but you and I both know that he will feel obligated to catch up on the work he missed last week and cover for you while you are on the planet. So I’ve booked him into the Lothlorian Retreat for the duration of our stay on Altair VI. I strongly encouraged him to go, but if necessary I will make it an order. I could use your encouragement on this, as I would prefer not to enter it in my logs as an order.”

“Bones, are you sure that’s all he needs? I’ve been worried about him. There is something not quite right. I can feel it in my gut. He almost seems tense in my presence. I just don’t –”

“Trust me, Jim. Are you on my side with this?”

“You have my support. I’ll make it clear to Spock if he seems hesitant that he is to go to the retreat. So, Bones, you know what this means. Dust off your dress uniform. I expect you to join me for the pomp and circumstance,” said the Captain with a laugh.

Spock raised his eyebrow at McCoy and said in a dry voice, “Your psychology skills are impressive.” Then more seriously, “Doctor, I do wish to thank you for your assistance. Please let me know how many credits I owe you once all the bookings are completed, and I will transfer them immediately. I trust you will send the information I require regarding the arrangements. With your permission, I will return to the Bridge.”

*****

Spock arrived at the Bridge at 13 28. He had barely seated himself in his chair when he could feel the presence of the Captain over his shoulder. His mind was at war. One part of him wanted to lean back to see if he could gain contact with Jim; the saner part instructed him to lean forward to avoid any contact. As a result, he was frozen in place.  

“Spock, how long are you going to pretend you don’t know I’m here?” Jim whispered for his ears only. It was a playful tone, but clearly he wanted Spock to acknowledge his presence. Spock slowly turned his chair around and raised his eyebrow in question. He could feel his heart begin to race with the Captain so near. Jim’s pheromones scented the air. He swallowed, waiting for Jim to continue.

The Captain continued in a low voice. “Bones contacted me. He thinks you need time to regain your equilibrium. He suggested that you not attend the festivities, but rather take the time to meditate and relax off the ship.”

“That is what he suggested,” Spock confirmed, noncommittally.

“Well, then that is exactly what you are going to do. I need you, Spock, as quickly as possible, back at full efficiency. If this will help, then take the time for yourself. But is that all? It feels like there is more to it. If there is something I can do –” Jim trailed off helplessly.

“Negative. I believe time away is just what I need. If you will excuse me, Captain, I do have some matters to attend to before heading to the planet’s surface.”

Jim gave him a penetrating look for a moment longer, then appeared to relax, as he said at his normal volume level, “Naturally. When are you headed down to the surface?”

Spock hesitated. He had thought he would leave the ship on his own, but he could hardly avoid answering the question. “I plan to check in at 16 00 hours.”

“Perfect. At least Bones and I can see you off before we go our separate ways.”

The remainder of the afternoon was uneventful. Doctor McCoy confirmed the arrangements. The Pleasure Palace was in the same general direction as the Lothlorian Retreat and within walking distance of the transportation station, so there was no risk that the Captain would insist that they share a ride to their destinations. He could simply insist he wanted the exercise. At 15 00 hours, the Captain suggested they head to their quarters to pack. In the turbolift, Spock could sense the Captain studying him, but he remained silent.

Just before their departure time, the Captain called through the wall, and he acknowledged he was ready. Spock put a casual meditation robe over his undergarments and sandals, having determined he would not wear his Starfleet uniform to his destination. While they walked to the transporter room, he took a moment to appreciate how the Captain looked in his dress uniform. While it was Jim’s personality that drew Spock to him, he did acknowledge that Jim was aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Spock was satisfied that he still had sufficient controls to eliminate any evidence of physical response to Jim’s nearby presence. However, his senses warned him his controls were now deteriorating faster than the first time. _My bell curve is indeed steeper_ , he thought, _recognizing he now felt as he had 11 hours prior to the marriage ceremony._ _Will the peak come imminently or many hours from now?_ he wondered. When they arrived at the transporter room, Doctor McCoy was present, grumbling in typical fashion about not only having to sit through hours of tedium, but having to do it in his uncomfortable dress uniform as well. Normally, Spock would have made some dry retort, but his mind was otherwise occupied, trying to divert blood flow from pooling in his groin. The task was made all the more difficult with Jim’s proximity and his hormone levels that continued to escalate. _In the not too distance future, I will be compelled to mate,_ he thought _. It was best that_ –

“What is the name of that retreat you are staying at again?” Jim asked Spock, breaking his musings as they got onto the transporter pad. Spock paused, recalling at first only his true destination. Bones jumped in smoothly, reminding Jim he had told him about the Lothlorian earlier, leaving Spock to merely nod his affirmation. Finally, clearance was received from the planet, and they were beamed to the surface.

Before the Captain could suggest any joint activity, Spock announced that he needed to walk over promptly, as he had a massage scheduled just after his check-in time. The Captain looked like he might say something, but Doctor McCoy threw an arm over his shoulder and pulled him away. “Don’t play mother hen, Jim. Spock’s a big boy and can take care of himself. Let him have some space.” Then the Doctor looked over his shoulder and gave Spock a knowing smile as he led Jim away.

Spock walked swiftly to his destination but, once outside of the establishment, he found he was hesitant to enter. The slowly building pressure in his groin told him he needed to enter, but his mind accused him of cheating. Of course, the idea was illogical, as one could not cheat when there was no established relationship. However, part of him felt as though he was betraying Jim’s trust. Spock reminded himself that he was here for Jim, to allow him free choice, to ensure he did not force himself upon Jim. He took another moment to calm himself and entered the lobby, where he gave the pseudonym Doctor McCoy had given him and confirmed the details of his reservation.

Spock’s hand shook slightly as he entered the passcode to room 14. He clasped his hands behind his back and walked in, uncertain what to expect. He had searched the Enterprise’s databanks for information on Ptorians, but did not find much beyond what he already knew: their home planet was class M, they had an ability to shapeshift, and they also formed mental bonds with a life mate. The room was well lit, the air was lightly scented and seated on a two-person couch was the shapeshifter. It had taken the appearance of a native Altairian female. It was humanoid, but with a slighter bone structure, broader nose and shorter in stature. This female had green eyes, yellowish hair and wore a transparent blue gown. Practical, Spock thought, given the majority of customers were likely local males.

It stood and walked a few paces forward to stand in front of Spock. “Welcome. I apologize. I have never been with a Vulcan to create a shape that you might be more familiar with, so I have appeared as a local. I admit I was surprised by the length of time that you have purchased. Most clients are short term. Since we are not time pressured, perhaps you could explain what you desire, and I will explain how my abilities can enhance your experience. Do you wish to sit together or apart?”

“At this point I would prefer to remain apart until I feel . . . more comfortable.” _Liar_ , part of himself acknowledged, _I could take her now and eliminate the ache in my groin._ He pushed his desires into the background. “What should I call you?” Spock asked as he sat on the couch. The shapeshifter moved to sit on the edge of a large bed. Beside it was a side table with various lubricants and sex toys.

“I do not provide my given name. Most of my customers prefer to use the name of the person that they have me shift into. That is part of the experience I offer. Would you please explain to me what you desire or you could show me. I understand you are a touch telepath.”

“I prefer not to touch minds yet.” Spock focused his eyes on the foot of the bed and took a breath. “What I am about to say is private. I can only request that you treat it as such. I believe you have a right to know this information before you agree to engage in coitus with me. I will do all in my power to maintain control and proper respect for you as a person; however, there is some risk to you.” When nothing was said, Spock continued on. “Vulcan males undergo a period of heat known as pon farr, when they must mate. If this does not occur, the hormonal imbalance will kill us. I entered such a period recently. My chosen mate rejected me, and so I find myself in need.”

“That is why the extended period of time. Correct?”

“Affirmative. I believe I have allotted sufficient time.”

“Okay. I don’t see any particular risks with what you described.”

Spock clenched his hands together in his lap to conceal their trembling, which was growing worse. “I foresee two primary risks to you. First, the hormonal imbalance is eroding my ability to control my emotions and to think in the logical manner to which I am accustomed. The degree to which I will lose control is unknown. I can lose awareness of self if I fall into a state known as plak tow, although since I already went through that when my mate rejected me, I am hopeful this will not reoccur. In any case, my loss of control can pose a risk for you, as I may use excessive force if you resist or perhaps for no reason at all. This is my first pon farr, so I am not sure what might trigger such abhorrent behaviour on my part.”

“I understand. I have had only one other similar client experience. In his case, we thought it best that I simply acquiesce to his sexual demands. When he became aroused, I did my best to help him come to completion as quickly as possible. Does that sound reasonable?”

“It does. The second risk is that similar to Ptorians, Vulcans typically form a permanent mental bond with their chosen partner during this time. I have deliberately chosen a stranger to try and reduce this risk, but should your mind appear unusually attractive to mine, there is a risk that I could try to force a deep meld when we are engaged in coitus which would result in a permanent bond. The fact that you are a touch telepath may help in mitigating this risk, as I presume you have an ability to shield and would recognize such an attempt on my part.”

“You are correct that my species also forms permanent mental bonds. This is done during sexual intercourse. Is this when the bond would normally be initiated for you as well?”

“Affirmative.”

“We could meld prior to any sexual activity to determine receptivity. If it is unusually high, then we may need to find you another partner. Otherwise, given the risks you have described, I would be willing to continue on as hired. What shall I call you? Do you wish me to use the name you registered with?”

Spock looked at the shapeshifter. “My name is Spock. There is no point in attempting subterfuge, as my shields are insufficient at this time to keep my name private.”

“Thank you. But do not be concerned. I will not divulge it, nor any of what we speak of today, to another. Our encounter is strictly confidential. Now, as you know, I have the ability to shift my shape into any woman or man you desire, provided that you have a clear visual image of that person in your mind. The stronger the image, the better the representation. I can mimic all the senses that you recall, such as speech patterns, scents, taste, provided your memories are sufficiently strong. It normally takes about 15 minutes for me to shift, depending again on the depth of the image I receive. With a non-telepath, I retrieve the information myself. Since you are also a telepath, I think a brief meld will provide optimal results. You can direct me to the memories you think would help. I request privacy to transform and will retire to the bathroom to shift. Do you understand?”

“Affirmative. I have an eidetic memory, so the retrieval of memories should not present a problem.”

“Have you thought of someone you wish me to become?” the shapeshifter asked. When Spock nodded, it replied, “Tell me why you chose this person.”

“I have only had one sexual partner, Leila Kalomi, an Earth female. We met when I was on Earth six years ago for a research project for three months with a cross-functional team. I sensed she was attracted to me. I found it appealing . . . On my world I am not considered desirable. It was a new experience for me to be actively pursued. I was curious. We touched in the human fashion after some evenings out together, and I enjoyed it. One night I accompanied her to her residence and engaged in coitus for the first time. I do not believe it was a satisfactory experience for her. I was inexperienced, nervous and rushed. Also I was not able to show as much of myself as she would have liked. I left abruptly afterwards, as I was ashamed of both my actions towards her and the breaking of my oath to my betrothed. Shortly thereafter, I explained to her that I could not be what she desired, and we ended our relationship. Six months ago, I met her again while on Omicron Ceti III. She exposed me to a plant that emitted spores which stripped my controls from me. While under their influence, we resumed our relationship, and I felt comfortable to show more of my inner self. It was more satisfactory for us both, yet it was not of my own free choice, as the spores influenced my behaviour. Further, I was still bound to my betrothed. Once the effect of the spores disappeared, I hurt her again when I told her we could not be together. I have chosen Leila because her human appearance will remind me to be gentle. Also, I would like to be able to make love to her of my own free will, to show more of myself and my feelings without the bond of another between us.”

When Spock finished, the shapeshifter walked over to the couch and kneeled in front of him. It could see the erection Spock was attempted to hide while leaning forward. It knew they needed to start soon otherwise, Spock’s concerns about violence might come to pass. “Spock of Vulcan, you need to show me Leila. I suggest a brief meld. In this way we can also determine the affinity of our minds and whether there is too strong an attraction. Do you agree?”

Spock nodded his acquiescence, then raised his eyes to look at the shapeshifter. He unclasped his hands. They each reached out to touch the PSI points on each other’s faces as a tremor shook his hand again. It was a smooth transition.

_Spock,_ _I do not sense any particular attraction of our minds. I propose that we proceed._

_Agreed._

_Please show me your memories of Leila._

The degree of detail was impressive. The shapeshifter saw everything from their first introduction, their dinners out together, their awkward first time, better second encounter and final farewell. Spock shared his feelings, the conversations, the scents, everything regarding these moments, and the shapeshifter knew these were exact recordings, not altered realities that it encountered in some minds. The one surprise was that, while Spock had indicated out loud that his bond to his betrothed had been between them both times, it sensed that another, more important bond had been the issue the second time. _Who was the ‘man on the bridge’ that he proclaimed he had a duty to_? the shapeshifter wondered.

Spock sensed the shapeshifter’s curiosity. _That is sufficient,_ he communicated, and ended the meld.

After they broke apart, the shapeshifter stood up. “I will go to the bathroom to prepare. While I am gone, you might want to inspect the sexual aids on the side table to see if there any items you are particularly interested in using. Please adjust the room temperature to something you will find pleasant when you are disrobed. I will be naked when I return. Please get comfortable.”

Spock also stood and adjusted the room setting to 33C. Altair VI and Ptoria were warmer planets than Earth, yet cooler than Vulcan. Since the shapeshifter had settled here, he assumed the climate was agreeable to it. He then sat on the couch and removed his sandals. He took off his robe and removed his undergarments, which he folded and placed in the corner of the room. He knew it was illogical given the purpose of his visit, but he felt uncomfortable sitting naked on the couch already semi-erect with no stimulation whatsoever. It was somewhat alarming that he was uncertain exactly when his erection had returned. He had willed his troublesome phallus into submission before beaming down with the Captain and the Doctor, but clearly his mind’s control over his body was waning. He put the robe back on to hide himself, even though he knew it would soon be removed again out of necessity.

He walked over to look at the collection of articles on the side table. The only item he thought might be useful for himself were the restraints. He noted that the posts on the bed were quite sturdy. He heard the bathroom door open. It had been only 8.7 minutes. He momentarily froze, but then his eyes were compelled to rise and behold the transformation. He felt his lips form the word, _Leila_ , but he knew he did not utter it out loud. She was just as she had appeared 6 years ago: slender figure, blond hair bobbed at the neckline, small firm breasts, piercing light blue eyes, fair alabaster skin, warm smile.

“Your mental images were very precise. It did not take as long as usual. Why are your holding the restraints?” Leila asked quietly.

Spock stuttered momentarily. “I . . . I thought it might be safest for you if I was restrained.” He swallowed. “I do not wish to hurt you.”

Leila walked towards him slowly, took the restraints from his trembling hand and placed them back on the table. “These are for those who wish to give up control. To surrender to the desires of another. That is not your wish. You wish to control yourself. These are not for you at this time. Restraints are not necessary, for I trust you. You will not hurt me,” she said in a confident tone and undid the tie of his robe.

Spock watched as her left hand drew open the robe and slid along his skin to rest at his side, over his heart, which was beginning to hammer at an alarming rate. Her hand felt cool against his over-heated skin. She looked up at him. “Kiss me,” she said, and he did, for he wanted to. He wanted to devour her sweetness. His tongue demanded immediate access to her mouth, and she readily granted it. Their tongues entwined, then parted as each explored teeth, gums, roof of mouth. Leila was just as he remembered her. Her mouth was soft and moist and wonderful. He looked in her eyes and saw desire. It was right that she desired him, as much as he wanted her. His right arm moved around her body to press her closer against his. It was not enough, as his robe was in the way, and he could not feel enough of her. He shrugged out of his robe, then grabbed her firm behind, hoisting Leila up; as he did, her legs wrapped around his waist. He turned and pinned her against the wall, kissing her roughly, urgently now. He could feel her firm nipples as he pressed against her, the smooth soft skin of her belly. Her coarser pubic hair rubbing against his skin was tantalizing agony. His penis was painfully erect. All he wanted to do was plunge his fully engorged organ into her body. Leila pulled her lips away from his for a moment. “Take me now, Spock.” She gripped his shoulders tightly as he used his left hand to align himself with the entrance to her body while continuing to support her with his right arm. She began to descend, but not swiftly enough. Spock thrust upwards to fully sheath himself. Leila emitted a soft groan before Spock’s lips covered her again in a searing, passionate kiss. He remained motionless a moment, marveling at the sensation of being fully encased in the warm moistness of Leila. But then his burning need asserted itself, and he began to move forcefully. Leila’s small gasps made him aware that he was slamming her painfully into the wall. With his last shred of control, he wrapped his arms around her to carry her to the bed, where he tumbled backwards onto it. He landed on his back, then swiftly rolled to position himself on top of her. He clenched his jaw, his body trembled with the effort to not simply resume immediately where he had left off. “It’s okay, Spock. You need this now. Remember, I trust you.” Leila then shifted, spreading her legs further apart, welcoming him deeper into her being. Without further pause, he resumed in earnest with a steady pounding rhythm, knowing it was not logical to resist this insistent urge anymore. _This is why I have come here_ , he thought. _This is what I need now._ He thrust harder, faster. Spock was aware of the sound of their panting breaths, together with the slap of his body against hers, filling the air. Finally, relief came. He felt himself jerk a bit out of control with an involuntary muscle contraction as he ejaculated. He groaned, collapsing on top of Leila. Spock took a moment to get his breathing under control, then raised himself onto his elbows to look down at Leila. She was flushed, but appeared unharmed.

The shapeshifter sensed Spock was concerned. She reached up with her free hand to touch his PSI points, and when he nodded, it melded with him.

_Forgive me. That was not much better than the first time. Rushed and frantic. I wanted to make it better._

_It was fine. You were aroused when you arrived. I knew you needed relief. You did not hurt me. It can be different next time if that is what you prefer. Be as you would like to be, next time. Now, rest._

The shapeshifter felt Spock withdraw from Leila’s body. It watched as he rolled over in exhaustion, pulling the silky sheets over himself. The shapeshifter got up to use the bathroom and noted Spock had fallen asleep when it returned. It pulled the comforter up to ensure his warmth. It sensed that he was both mentally and physically exhausted. The shapeshifter decided to order food to be delivered in two hours. When he awoke, hopefully, Spock would eat something. It wondered why Spock was disappointed in his performance. The shapeshifter realized it had a lot to learn about Vulcans, as the experience had been quite satisfying from its perspective. The shapeshifter was certain this would prove to be an enjoyable twenty-six hours for them both.

*****

Spock had started to show signs of waking when the knock on the door indicated that the food had arrived. The shapeshifter put on a bathrobe and went to the door to gather the food. Although many clients seemed to enjoy eating on the bed, it felt fairly certain that Spock would prefer not to and so opened the door to a small side room. The room had a small dining table and cabinet containing plates, utensils, cups and glasses. Water could be heated for beverages in the small unit provided. It set the table and unpacked the food and juice. When the shapeshifter returned to the main room it noted that Spock was awake in the bed.  

“Do you feel a bit more yourself?”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Affirmative.”

“Would you like to eat something?”

Spock rose from the bed and put on his meditation robe and entered the side room. “My appetite has been off, but I believe it would be a good idea if I at least tried to consume some nutrients. I am a vegetarian. Are there any non-meat selections in what you have ordered?”

“Everything is vegetarian. Your dietary restrictions were on your registration. Did you forget?”

“Negative. I did not complete the registration. A friend assisted me,” he explained as he sat down in his chair. He poured them both some juice. There was a variety of sweet and spicy aromatic dishes, and he took a bit of each. He was glad for the quiet while he ate. It was amazing how accurate the shapeshifter was, and despite his knowing that she was not Leila, Spock could not help but think of the being before him _as_ _Leila_. He knew he had immediately responded to her as Leila when she emerged from the bathroom. His thoughts made him blush, and it did not go unnoticed.

“Now that you have finished eating, I see your mind has begun to wander,” she teased.

“I was admiring your likeness. You are beautiful. Sweet and fresh and a little naïve, just as I remember.”

“You were naïve then too, no doubt, about how you would respond when aroused.”

“Yes. I wished to make amends this time, but failed. I lost control of myself.”

“You have nothing to make amends for. I found our first encounter passionate and satisfying. It was an almost impossible task to expect yourself to go slow with the elevated hormone levels you described. You were shaking, and I could see your erection before I shifted into Leila’s form. If you are like Ptorians during this time, I suspect you have been fighting off your arousal for hours.”

Spock confirmed her supposition with a nod of his head.

“Why do you say that you lost control?”

Spock raised an eyebrow at her in surprise. “Is it not obvious? I was so intent on my own needs that I did not pause to gain your acquiescence. . . I behaved like a thoughtless animal, only concerned with my base desires. . . I did not consider _your_ pleasure.”

“Our perspectives differ greatly on this, Spock. I was hired to have sexual intercourse with you. You took the time to explain the risks to my person, and I accepted those risks. You were not thoughtless and out of control, for I gave you permission. I desired you as well. Our first encounter was intense and passionate, not violent. Perhaps it was a bit rushed, but many species find such intensity and passion pleasurable. Understand that I did. I did not wish for you to stop. _Knowing that you are desired brings pleasure._ An orgasm for both parties is not necessary to experience pleasure. Do all Vulcans view acting on passion as a loss of control?”

“Vulcans strive to live by reason. Reason should curb our passions. It is a loss of control if I let _my_ needs and desires overwhelm my reason and consideration for others.”

“For most species, sexual intercourse is an act of passion. It is not done exclusively as a reasoned process to procreate life. It is done for pleasure as well. Did you not find pleasure in what we did? In what you experienced with Leila on Earth and Omicron Ceti III? Did her desire for you, itself, not bring you pleasure?”

“Affirmative to all your questions. It was pleasurable and desired.” Spock swallowed. “It is difficult to reconcile my . . . feelings on this matter with my Vulcan upbringing and not feel a measure of guilt. I am not sure if what I feel . . . is a failure on my part.”

The shapeshifter noticed Spock seemed uncomfortable with the conversation and was not eating much as they conversed. It did not want to make Spock tense and decided it could try and understand more about Vulcan perspectives later. “I ordered some fruit as well, but I think we should save that for a little later in the evening, in case you have more of an appetite then.”

Spock assisted Leila in clearing the table and disposing of the waste. When he turned around, Leila slid her hand into his and suggested that they go back to the bed. He did not object. Spock unclasped their hands to untie her robe, then pushed her robe to the floor. He then untied his own robe. Leila stepped close, sliding her hands around his torso and placing her head on his shoulder. He could smell the slight scent of orange blossoms from her hair. He stood there a moment drinking in her scent, then sat on the edge of the bed. As he moved, Leila’s hands slid away. She then kneeled on the floor in front of him and began to trace her fingertips up the inside of his parted thighs. It felt wonderful; however, Spock willed himself to stop her hands before they reached their destination. “No . . . not yet, at least.” He shrugged his shoulders out of his robe and motioned for Leila to rise and sit beside him on the bed. “While I have more control,” he started, then swallowed, “I would like to focus on your pleasure . . . before my need becomes pressing again. Will you allow me to explore?”

In answer, Leila crawled into the center of the bed and lay on her back. Spock gave her a nudge, and she rolled onto her stomach, then turned her head and smiled invitingly at him. He leaned forward to give her a kiss, then went and got a towel from the bathroom and returned kneeling beside her. “Allow me to give you a relaxing massage.” He reached for a bottle on the side table and poured a small amount of scented oil into his hands. He rubbed his hands together briefly to warm the oil before beginning at the base of her spine with the palm of his hand and moving upward while applying light pressure. He ensured his upward strokes were long and even. As Leila’s muscles began to relax, he increased from light to firm pressure and expanded his movements to her shoulders and neck area, occasionally leaning forward to offer a light kiss. He also began to alternate circular strokes to knead her muscles and enhance deeper circulation. He continued the massage for 30 minutes, using various other techniques to both relax and stimulate her muscles, ending by using a fanning motion that pushed his extended hands gently towards her lower back. On the last pass he slid further and gently cupped her buttocks. He then used the towel to wipe excess oil from his hands and her back.

“That was wonderful, Spock. I feel delightful,” said Leila as she rolled onto her back and opened her arms to him in welcome. He leaned forward to kiss her lightly on her forehead, eyelids, nose and finally lips. He did not linger on her lips, but moved on, continuing to trail kisses down her neck and then across the clavicle from left to right and then back to the middle, pausing in the center to suck gently. “Don’t move on yet, give me a love mark.” Spock willingly obliged, sucking firmly on her skin at the base of her neck, as Leila held his head, until the capillaries just beneath the surface of her skin ruptured and a red mark appeared. He then soothed the spot with his tongue before moving on to leave another mark a few centimeters away.

He stretched out beside her now, and an almost-smile creased his lips. Leila reached out her hand and brushed her fingers across his chest. “The hair on your chest is softer than I imagined it would be, silky in texture. Like your hair,” she said, moving her hand to swipe his bangs. Spock leaned his head on his right hand, elbow on the bed, while his left hand skimmed across Leila’s body, lightly touching, aimlessly at first. A pattern began to emerge, circling around the left breast until little pebbles could be felt around the nipple by his fingertips, and then a brush of the nipple itself, then around the right breast in the same pattern, and finally circling the belly button until he reached its center. Leila’s eyes fluttered as she sighed in contentment, “Mmmmm.” He watched in fascination as Leila’s nipples became firm. He shifted again and took her right nipple into his mouth while cupping the left breast with his other hand and rubbing her nipple with his palm. Spock smiled as he realized her respiration rate had accelerated and she was now breathing through her mouth. He alternated between gentle nibbles of her nipple and sucking it, and he was rewarded with small gasps of pleasure. He leaned to take the left breast in his mouth, and as he did so he slid his hand down her torso to brush against her pubic hair. He slid the palm of his hand down so that he cupped her vulva. He applied a small amount of pressure and she pressed more firmly against him, rubbing herself on him. She was moist, and it pleased him. She squeezed his shoulder, and when he looked into her blue eyes now obscured by dilating pupils, she implored, “Touch me, Spock. Make me fall apart.”

He moved to the end of the bed and pushed Leila’s legs up. She let her knees fall open, giving him access to what he wanted to see and wanted to worship. He reached for the side table and picked up a penis-shaped vibrator and some lubricant. He applied a small amount of lubricant to his fingertip and the vibrator. She was moist, but he wanted to be certain that any friction would not be painful. He leaned forward, inhaled the scent of her sex, blew a light breath of air over her, watching as she shuddered in anticipation. He pulled the outer labia open to see the pink lips of the labia minora. He then leaned in and slid his tongue along the lips until he found the clitoral hood. He pushed against the hood with his tongue to give him access to the clitoris which he licked and sucked gently. “It feels so good,” she said. As it became firmer, he withdrew his lips and applied his lubricated fingertip around and over her clit. “Harder, Spock.” While his right fingertip applied increasing pressure to her clitoris, he watched in fascination as it engorged with blood. “Faster.” He could feel the warmth of her body radiating off her now. She continued to give him direction to increase her pleasure, then stopped entirely, and all he could hear was her panting breath. He realized that in watching Leila become aroused, he had also stimulated himself. His cock was semi-erect. He picked up the vibrator and got onto his knees while he continued to stimulate Leila’s clitoris. She was now a lovely flushed pink colour and breathing quite hard. He turned it on and applied it to the edge of her vagina which he was glad to see was well lubricated with her arousal. He found it slid in quite readily, and soon he was rapidly thrusting the vibrator in and out while continuing to stimulate her clit. Finally, she moaned in pleasure as he saw and felt it, three quick contractions when Leila orgasmed, followed by a contented sigh as she melted into the bed. He was delighted he had been able to pleasure her satisfactorily. He removed the vibrator, cupped her vulva with the palm of his hand again, glad to feel the heat and the moisture.   When he removed his hand, he leaned forward to gently lick the mucous at the edge of her vagina away. The taste and scent was intoxicating. He was now painfully hard. He wanted her now, but he knew he needed to wait at least a few moments, as she might be sensitive to further stimulation so soon after orgasm. To prevent himself from rushing her, he got up and took the vibrator to the bathroom to wash it and his hands.

When he returned to the room, Leila was smiling. “You are a rare client, Spock of Vulcan. But I can see now we need to take care of your needs. Why did you leave?”

“I did not want to rush you too soon after your climax,” he explained.

Leila put out her hand from the bed. And he took it and stepped forward. She drew him into a hug and a deep kiss and then tumbled him onto the bed.

“You smell divine when you are aroused. It’s a wonderful musky scent.”

“My need is getting to be pressing,” Spock admitted as he moved to position himself above her.

Leila laughed. “Then we shall deal with it quickly. I have more control if I am on top. Do you mind?”

“I would prefer any position that assures me that we move expeditiously and I will not unwittingly hurt you,” he said as he rolled quickly onto his back, rolling Leila on top of him.

Leila pushed off his chest to sit astride him, and grabbed hold of his penis. She positioned herself above him and slowly began to descend. Spock thrust upwards immediately, but she rose just up out of reach and thus was able to control the pace of his entry. When he began to buck up too soon or too swiftly, Leila pulled away and Spock managed to control himself. Leila lightly pinched his nipples with her fingertips, and he reached up to touch hers as well. Just when Spock thought he could not wait any longer to finish, as the need was getting to be too much, she matched her rhythm with his until he climaxed.

Again Spock appeared blissfully relaxed afterwards. The shapeshifter covered him up to rest. Although not its typical custom, after cleaning up, the shapeshifter climbed back into the bed to rest beside him. It did not object when Spock cradled its body. The shapeshifter wondered if Spock might enjoy a meld during intercourse, as it enabled the sharing of sensations from each other, which enhanced and sometimes prolonged the orgasmic rapturous feeling. Then the shapeshifter remembered Spock’s warning about possible permanent bonds and determined that taking such a risk would be too dangerous. It then thought that perhaps a meld afterwards might still be enjoyable. It could also possibly learn more about Spock to help him enjoy his experience more, rather than being ashamed of his needs and desires. The shapeshifter decided that when Spock woke, he would have a new Leila in bed beside him. It thought there was no need to get up to shift, as Spock would not wake immediately and she was comfortable in his arms.

*****

The shapeshifter woke in a secure cocoon. It must have drifted off after changing shape for a period of time. The shapeshifter’s backside was nestled into Spock’s groin, and his arms were wrapped around Leila’s torso. It remained quiet, not wanting to disturb his peaceful slumber and enjoying the moment of shared intimacy not involving a sex act – a rare treat in its profession. Eventually he would move.   Twenty minutes later, Spock rolled onto his back. The shapeshifter got up to cut a variety of fruit into a bowl and left it on the couch. It watched Spock. He slept peacefully for another hour, but then his sleep was no longer as restful as it had been. He started to thrash about as if engaged in a battle. His penis began to lengthen and harden. He was on his stomach now, thrusting into the bed. He stilled again, slumping forward into the pillows. When he rolled over, it could see Spock was fully erect and went to sit beside him, thinking it would finish what he had not completed. He was calmer now, but still in the dream, or was it a nightmare? He was shaking his head slowly. Then Spock spoke quietly in a depressed tone: “I shall do neither, for I have killed my Captain and my friend.” _Is that the ‘man on the bridge’?_ the shapeshifter thought. _Perhaps that is why he is here. He has lost his chosen one._

The shapeshifter determined it would be best to take care of Spock’s erection so that he did not wake with a burning need. He seemed unusually ashamed of his needs and desires. Perhaps a Vulcan trait, or was it uniquely Spock? In any case, it kneeled beside Spock and reached for his cock, now a deep shade of green. Its mouth descended to lick some pre-ejaculate from the slit at the tip. It admired the shape of Spock’s cock. Not too long but a good width. The ridges which flared along the top of the shaft were a much more interesting feature in the mouth. The feature had been lost when he thrust quickly. Perhaps if he had better control and could go slower next time, it would be able to feel the effect on the inside. The shapeshifter swirled its tongue around the ridges, then began to slide its hand up and down his shaft again. It began to lick and suck, increasing the pressure. Spock’s hips began to thrust forcing his cock further into the shapeshifter’s throat. It allowed the deeper penetration by suppressing the gag reflex. Spock was becoming erratic. Then he released with a big contraction. After a smaller shudder, a little more ejaculate followed. The shapeshifter continued to suck until slowly the last bit of cum pumped out. The emission was slightly salty with a spicy aftertaste.

Spock’s eyes fluttered open. He reached out a hand to touch her face and hair. “Leila, that was wonderful. Thank you.” She leaned over him and gave him an open-mouth kiss. His tongue invaded her mouth to get a taste of both her and himself. Spock rolled them so that he was resting on top and he could feel this slightly fuller version of Leila below him. He enjoyed sliding his fingers through her longer hair. They kissed for a while, enjoying the taste of each other. Then Spock propped himself on his elbow and said, “I should point out that it is not necessary for you to attempt to arouse me when I am not otherwise in need. However many times are needed is all that I require. I do not expect anything more.”  

Leila smiled at him. “You became aroused while you slept. I simply decided to take care of it before it became urgent. It looked for a while like you were in a fight.”

Spock was disturbed as he recollected being aroused in his dream. When Spock looked away, she touched his face and turned it back towards her. “You said you killed your Captain.” She saw the look of pain in his eyes. He did not deny it, but he did not explain. He swallowed hard, then drew her to him in an embrace and shuddered slightly as if in remembrance of what had occurred. The shapeshifter was perplexed. Spock was not violent by nature, of this it was certain. How then could Spock have killed his friend and Captain?

Eventually Spock spoke again. “I see you have prepared some fruit. I could use some additional nutrients before the night ahead.”

Leila smiled. “It is nearing 23 hundred hours, I believe.” 22:36, Spock thought to himself, but merely nodded.

“I will also heat some water for your Vulcan spice tea. One of your dietary preferences that your friend mentioned on your form,” she said. They each rose from the bed and donned their robes. After each had washed in the bathroom, they sat on the couch, sipping their tea, the bowl of fruit between them. Spock asked questions about where the fruits were grown, what nutrients they contained, how they were harvested, storage life and various other matters. He was a most unusual customer.

Once the tea and fruit were finished, Leila stretched out on the couch, head in Spock’s lap. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Currently, I feel slightly less agitated. However, you just brought me relief. My hormone levels do not seem to be dissipating. The dream I had disturbs me, as I was not aware of you when in it. Also, I was not immediately aware you were reality when you took me in your mouth. The dream may have been a result of the elevated hormone levels, as I do not typically dream.”

“What do you expect may follow? How does this normally work for your species?”

“Typically, copulation occurs 4 to 11 times during a period ranging from 22 to 32 hours. Ejaculation alone may not be enough. Full Vulcans do not ejaculate without penetration during pon farr.”

“Full Vulcans?”

“I am half-Human, half-Vulcan. It is possible that my hybrid nature will mean I am at the low end of the range, although younger males tend to trend higher.”

“So we are at two definite penetrations. Does oral sex count as penetration?”

“Uncertain. Vulcans do not engage in oral sex.”

“They don’t? Are there other erogenous zones?”

“The tips of our ears are highly sensitive to oral stimulation. Licking and nipping of ears is highly arousing.”

“You did not object when I took you in my mouth,” Leila teased.

“I doubt any male would object. And as I just explained, I am half-Human. My nerve endings, I suspect, are a mix. Thankfully, I have not been subjected to tests to discern how different in this regard,” Spock added dryly. “If we are counting, I also had two ejaculations before I arrived. It was after I entered pon farr but prior to engaging in coitus with you. So I am not certain whether to include those in the count, as these are atypical of a normal pon farr for full Vulcans.”

“Are there any definitive signs regarding whether the mating cycle may be coming to an end?”

“The most objective piece of information is that the time period between copulations will reduce. When the period is lengthening, the need is diminishing. What is unclear to me is how to evaluate what has occurred to date. Our first two times together were in close succession, under an hour apart. I am not sure whether I should view that as one encounter or two. It was 4.5 hours before I awoke again in need. I believe that this is a positive sign.” Spock bit his bottom lip nervously. “However, I am not certain. My hormone levels remain disturbingly –”

Spock felt Leila place her fingertip on his lips. “Stop. Do not be so concerned. Other Vulcans have survived this and so shall you. Go back to bed and get some rest. I will join you shortly. When you awaken, if you have a need, it shall be taken care of.”

*****

It was just past midnight when the shapeshifter realized Spock had awoken in need. In fact, he was already positioned on top of Leila’s body. His rich brown eyes, now obscured in blackness from his dilated pupils, showed no sign of recognition. He was shaking Leila’s body impatiently. It nodded assent quickly, and the shapeshifter felt him fill Leila’s body. His kisses were rough, bruising in intensity. He bit Leila’s neck near the collarbone, marking her, and lapped at the blood as he pumped urgently into Leila’s body until his release. When he ceased to move, the shapeshifter tried to speak to him, but he was unaware. When the shapeshifter pushed its hands to move out from under Spock, who was still impaled within Leila’s body, lying possessively on top, it realized its mistake as Spock instinctively resisted. One hand constricted around Leila’s throat as his other grabbed hold of Leila’s wrists and yanked them brutally above her head. Spock didn’t seem consciously aware of his actions, as the pressure was painful. He growled as he released her throat and grabbed a silk tie from the side table. He bound Leila’s wrists to the bed post. Then the shapeshifter realized that although Spock had just ejaculated, he was still aroused and full inside Leila’s body. It instinctively knew any further signs of resistance would not be wise. Spock continued to mindlessly suck and lap in proprietary fashion on the wound he had inflicted at the base of Leila’s neck, preventing rest. Three more times during the next two hours he used Leila’s body again, claiming her as his. Never withdrawing. No sign of recognition in his eyes. Just burning need.

Eventually, Spock’s possessive hold of Leila’s body relinquished, and the shapeshifter was able to wiggle out from under him. It felt copious amounts of semen dripping out from between its legs. It was impossible to free Leila’s arms from the tie, so it shifted upwards a bit so that its arms would not be so extended and it could be more comfortable to sleep. The shapeshifter contemplated whether to remove the bite mark, suspecting Spock might feel guilty when he saw it in his rational mind, but the shapeshifter was unsure whether he would still be feeling possessive when he awoke, in which case such an act could be dangerous. It decided to leave it be, as it was not that painful.

When Spock began to get aroused again, it was around 05 00 in the morning. He was spooned against Leila’s body, and the shapeshifter could feel his semi-erect penis being rubbed along the crack in Leila’s ass cheeks. The shapeshifter could not see Spock’s eyes to gauge the level of his awareness and whether he would have any control over his actions. It decided to try and communicate.

“If you wish to take me anally, it will take some preparation.”

“Negative. From behind, I think, but not there, and not quite yet,” was all he said in a somewhat distracted fashion. The shapeshifter thought he seemed in more control than the night before, since he had responded coherently, but his tone was not as considerate as previously, so it decided to be cautious. Spock’s hands then began to wonderfully explore and stimulate Leila’s body like the day before. The shapeshifter decided it could wait a while longer, to try to bring Spock to full awareness, and simply allowed itself to enjoy his invigorating touch. Eventually, his palm was briskly rubbing her clit as his fingers moved inside her. The shapeshifter wanted the sensations to continue, but knew it was safest if he obtained release. It could feel him hard against Leila’s backside. “Spock, take me now, please.” He took a moment to position himself, then he slid home. His thrusts were slow and long this time, not the unfeeling thrusts of the night. Eventually, the demands of his body took over, and he thrust harder at a hammering pace. The shapeshifter hoped that they might be able to orgasm at the same time. He continued to stimulate Leila’s body as he pumped into it from behind. Leila came first, contracting around his cock. Not long after, he came as well. He remained inside Leila, flush against her backside, hands wrapped around her torso. After savoring the afterglow for a bit, the shapeshifter turned to ask over her shoulder, “Will you meld us?” The shapeshifter was hoping in the afterglow it could find out a bit more about Spock to make his experience more satisfactory. It could see Spock raise an eyebrow in surprise, but he did not object, as he moved his hand from around her waist to Leila’s PSI points.

_How are you? Are you happy?_ The shapeshifter wasn’t sure why it had asked him, but there was something in the memories connected with Leila that prompted that question.

Immediately an image surfaced in Spock’s mind _. ‘_ _We haven't heard much from you about Omicron Ceti Three, Mister Spock.’ ‘I have little to say about it, Captain, except that for the first time in my life I was happy.’_

The shapeshifter knew instantly that it was looking at the Captain: the friend that had died, the man on the bridge that Spock told Leila he had a duty to, when he turned away from her love. The shapeshifter knew Spock cared about Leila, but clearly he cared about the Captain more.

_Show me your friend and Captain, Spock._ The shapeshifter wasn’t sure if he would comply with the request, but he did. There was much to show: life and death moments, glances across a chess board or across the bridge of a spaceship, sacrifices for each other, dinner in the mess hall and each other’s cabins, then more recently a battle to the death accompanied by despair and anguish, joy when he lived and then fear for what he might have done as he snatched away his hand from his touch.

_You love him. He is your chosen._

_Yes._

Spock dissolved the meld.

The shapeshifter had unanswered questions, but Spock had chosen to break the meld. The shapeshifter thought it would need to think and come to its own conclusions. In the meantime, it looked kindly at Spock. “Spock of Vulcan, you are a mystery to me.” It was when Spock broke the meld that he really seemed to come to full awareness as he opened his eyes. The shapeshifter felt Spock’s body stiffen and become rigid as stone. He swallowed audibly. His eyes slowly surveyed the scene before him. Then his hand moved to touch and explore the swollen lips, the wound on Leila’s neck and her arms bound to the bed post.

“I did this to you,” Spock said, acknowledging his responsibility. He then released his hold of Leila’s body and unsheathed himself. He moved to kneel on the bed beside her.

The shapeshifter rolled onto her back to better look up at him. It tried to project understanding so Spock would not see accusation – it did not blame him.

Spock moved to untie the silk tie first from the bed post. He slowly brought Leila’s arms down from above her head and began to unwrap the bindings. He silently inspected the bruises which encircled her wrists where his grip had been too tight. He held her hands gently, then looked into her eyes. “I do not remember.” He closed his eyes briefly and shuddered, then looked at her again. “Did I hurt you . . . I mean, I know I hurt you. But how badly?” He swallowed again. “Did I force you? Was I violent? I thought with you _as_ _Leila_ I could control. I had already hurt her heart. I did not wish to hurt . . . her body . . . your body.”

The shapeshifter thought it was best to be honest. It had hurt at times, but not that much. Spock had not raped Leila’s body and he had not been violent, and it knew he feared that most of all. “Allow me to show you, Spock.” He nodded and the shapeshifter reached up to touch him. It showed him what had occurred during the night so that he would know the truth, then broke the meld.

“I am sorry,” he said quietly. “I thought the first time would be the worst for you. I had hoped that I had controlled through the worst of it. That I would remain aware – that _plak tow_ would not return.”

“I know that, Spock. I suspected you might be too optimistic. While you may have felt out of control our first time because your needs and desires overwhelmed you for a while, your response seemed normal to me. You had indicated yourself that your hormone levels had not yet dissipated, so I thought something more intense might occur, although I knew not what. I am glad you told me about the possibility of _plak_ _tow_ initially, so I knew not to resist. Is it during this peak time, during _plak tow_ , that most Vulcans bond for the first time?”

“Most bond either during the first penetration or during _plak tow_. Often _plak tow_ aligns with the first penetration.”

“So for most, I imagine the loss of awareness would be fleeting as they become cognizant of their mate’s reactions. But we did not bond, so there was nothing to temper your needs and desires when your hormone levels peaked and the strongest urge to mate came. You were aware of nothing but your physical needs at that time,” the shapeshifter surmised. “In any case, I am fine.” It knew Spock would know that to be the truth as a result of the mind meld.

The shapeshifter hoped it now could help Spock heal from his other guilt. It moved to sit cross-legged in the bed and reached out to take Spock’s hand from his lap. “Spock why do you feel guilty about how Leila feels about you? Her feelings are her own.”

Spock watched his thumb slowly move in circles across the back of the hand he held as he spoke. “I never should have gotten involved with Leila in the first place simply to explore my sexuality. I was betrothed to another. I showed no regard for her feelings, another sentient being. Even afterwards, I did not comprehend what I had done to her. I continued on the Enterprise without a backwards glance.”  

“Her unrealistic feelings were not your fault, Spock.”

“I once believed that. I thought her foolish. But now . . .” he paused, then continued, “Now I have learned the pain that exists when you love someone who may not love you in return. To have done that to another without consideration –”

“But if the other person did not cause the pain willfully, you would forgive them, correct? You would simply continue to love them and understand it is not their fault.”

Spock looked up from the hand he held with a dawning awareness in his expression. The shapeshifter then leaned forward to hold Spock’s face, “Leila forgives you and loves you, Spock, because there is truly nothing to forgive.”

Spock sat still on the bed in contemplation. He swallowed. “Thank you for making me see.”

They mutually moved forward for a lingering kiss and a light embrace. After a few more moments of tenderness, Spock lay back in the bed and pulled the covers over himself to get more rest.

The shapeshifter decided to have breakfast delivered immediately so that it would be in the room and there would be no disturbing knock on the door later. It decided on something cold so that it could be eaten anytime: yogurt, fruit and granola. While it waited for the food, the shapeshifter contemplated why Spock had chosen Leila as his image rather than the Captain. Virtually everyone chose their true love because it was their strongest image. He definitely cared for Leila and perhaps loved her in a way, as she was the first one who had desired him. He had desired her, but mostly he seemed to feel guilt for hurting her. Leila loved him, but he could not return it. It was clear to the shapeshifter that Spock understood Leila’s pain because he was experiencing it himself – Spock did not know if his Captain loved him as much as he was loved. The shapeshifter thought back to the opening interview with Spock and what it had seen in Spock’s mind recently. The shapeshifter realized Spock was afraid of forcing a permanent bond. However, it thought Spock now had sufficient control. The worst seemed to have passed. The shapeshifter decided that if Spock had adequate control after breakfast, he would be shown his true love. It had seen in Spock’s mind a desire to be taken by his Captain, and the shapeshifter wanted to fulfill his fantasy. After the breakfast arrived, the shapeshifter climbed back into the bed and waited to see what the morning would reveal.

*****

Spock woke almost 3 hours later. However, for the first time, his awakening was natural, not the result of a pressing need in his groin. He was sufficiently rested. He felt calm.

The shapeshifter smiled at him as Leila, then leaned forward and gave Spock a quick peck on the cheek. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

“I am feeling much better. My hormone levels are returning to normal, although they remain elevated. I do require sustenance.”

Spock was pleased to hear the laughter in Leila’s voice as she said, “Well, we both burned off some energy in the night. Breakfast is here.” Spock watched Leila slip out of the bed, put on her robe then bring some water from the bathroom to the side room to make some spiced tea. Spock rose from the bed, put on his robe, then went to use the facilities.   When he returned, Leila was seated at the table in the side room and had already served them both and placed his tea in front of his bowl. He seated himself across from her and quickly consumed his breakfast. He had eaten so little the night before, although he had tried everything, and clearly the fruit was not enough to sustain him. “I think you will need a hearty lunch.”  

“My appetite does appear to be returning with a vengeance,” Spock acknowledged. “I do need to check in with someone this morning, if you will excuse me.”

“The timing is perfect. I was going to ask if you would mind if I took a shower. You seem to be doing fine, and I won’t be more than 15 minutes.”

“Go ahead. I will clean up the dishes and make my call.”

Once Leila had left the room and he had cleared the table, Spock checked in with Doctor McCoy. He assured him that his hormone levels were returning to normal and that, with the rate of progress being made, he was confident that he would be able to return to the ship for the scheduled departure time. Spock then asked about the ceremonies and the Captain. The Doctor told him the ceremonies were as dull as expected and that the Captain was on edge.  

“He’s worried about you. He pressed me hard for details about how certain I was that meditation and rest were all that you needed. He was quite suspicious that there was more that he didn’t know.” Spock thanked him for his assistance and discretion, and said he would see him on the ship later.

*****

The shapeshifter turned on the water to the shower, disrobed and focused on completing the transformation. It waited, listening to determine if Spock had finished his call. The clarity of Spock’s memories of the Captain were strong: all the senses were covered clearly except taste – sights, sound, smell and touch. It would extrapolate taste based on Spock’s own fantasies, which it was aware of from the meld.

When the shapeshifter heard Spock finish his conversation, it opened the door and strode into the room naked. Spock had just stood up from putting his communicator in his bag and turned toward the bathroom when he heard the door open. He had looked like he was about to say something, but simply froze with his mouth open. The shapeshifter took two more steps into the room, but Spock held up his hand. It appeared to tremble slightly. “Stop. Please.” He then lowered it and clasped it behind his back. He swallowed. His eyes travelled the length of the Captain, drinking him in. The shapeshifter knew Spock was aroused. It had seen Spock’s member rise underneath his robe and the immediate blush of color on his cheeks and ear tips. “You cannot be here as him. I . . . I appreciate the offer, but you need to change back. It is not safe for you. I may not have adequate control . . . for this . . . for you.”

“Spock, I trust you. Perhaps yesterday this would have been too much for you to handle, but today it is not.”   The shapeshifter took two deliberate steps forward.

Spock backed up until he hit the wall. “Captain . . . Jim . . . I cannot.”

It kept coming forward slowly. “You want him. Do not deny yourself this. Everyone deserves to make love with their true love. Even you, Spock of Vulcan.” After stopping an arm’s length away, the shapeshifter explained its plan. “The Captain commands you. He will command you in this. You will submit. You are used to obeying his orders. If you can prove your control by submitting to the Captain, then you can take him afterwards, safely knowing you have sufficient controls.”

Spock was silent. He could not deny what he wanted. He wanted Jim to take him. He had dreamt of this. The shapeshifter closed the gap. “Kiss me,” he commanded, and Spock reached out and crushed Jim against his body, his lips descending to claim him. The shapeshifter could feel Spock’s erection through his robe and knew it had better take proper control, as much as it enjoyed that first powerful surge of passion. The Captain’s body had immediately responded to Spock’s need. The shapeshifter knew it wanted to give this gift to Spock. A memory that he could replay in his dreams should his desires never be fulfilled in reality. It pushed solidly against Spock to break the kiss and stepped back when Spock released him.  

The shapeshifter took charge. It walked over to the bed. “Take off your robe.” Spock did, and his erection sprung free. “Crawl on here. Stretch your hands out to the end. Bend your head down.   I would prefer to not restrain you.   I think you can submit without restraints. I plan to take you anally. Can you submit, Spock, to my orders in this?”

“Affirmative,” Spock answered, his voice a husky whisper.

“Then do your best to relax. Please raise up on your knees but keep your head low in a submissive position.”

Spock felt Jim climb on the bed. He took a ragged breath as Jim slid his hands along his back down to the base of his neck and then back up again around his butt. His body was knotted in coiled tension.

“Relax,” Jim murmured. Spock felt Jim’s breath on his ear. “You are beautiful.” He groaned as Jim began to lick and nibble his ear. He lifted his head back to get closer to the tantalizing sensations.

“Be still.”

“Jim, please do not torment me,” Spock pleaded. He felt Jim’s hand on the back on his head pushing him back towards the bed and he willed himself to submit.

“Be good. I know you need more.”

Spock felt Jim’s body weight shift on the bed. He realized Jim was reaching for supplies from the side table. He heard a bottle open, and then the smell of rosemary-scented oil permeated the air. Moments later, he felt the oil that had been drizzled on his backside dripping into the crack in his ass. Spock gasped when Jim’s hands pulled his cheeks apart and he gave his hole a kiss. Jim’s fingertips slid along his crack, and he was unable to still the tremors rippling through his body. Finally, the Captain’s finger began to circle the entrance to his body. Spock pushed back to welcome him. The Captain pushed a finger into his anus at the same time that his other hand encircled his shaft. Spock moaned and began to thrust into his hand.

“Patience. Be still.”

Spock panted through his mouth, trying to obey the command. As a reward, the Captain began to move his finger around more to loosen up his anal muscles, and eventually added a second finger, starting to scissor him open. Jim also began to slide his hand up and down Spock’s shaft, as well as taking the time to massage his scrotum. It was not enough. Spock began to thrust again, wanting increased friction on his penis and deeper penetration in his ass. Yet again, he was commanded.

“Wait. You will get your reward soon.”

Spock ceased his movements, but the involuntary tremors continued. “Please, Jim, I cannot wait much longer. I have waited far too long for this moment,” he gasped through a ragged breath.

The Captain quickly added a third finger. A moment later, his fingers were gone. Spock looked behind him and watched as Jim liberally applied oil to his cock, which was standing at attention. He turned back as he felt Jim line up behind him.

“Bear down, Spock.”

Spock felt Jim pushing in slowly and steadily until the Captain’s groin was pressed against his backside. The Captain pressed his chest against Spock for a moment and they each took in the scent of the other. Jim then whispered in his ear, “One final command. Do not touch yourself while I take you. Wait. You can take me right after.” He then began to slowly thrust.

“Faster, Jim. Harder,” he urged. It was not enough. He forgot the command to be still and slammed himself back against his Captain – wanting, needing deeper penetration. Finally, he felt the Captain come, his warm seed spilling forth into his body in two strong contractions. As soon as he was spent, he flipped Jim over and pinned him beneath him. He needed release. He lined up their groins and grabbed Jim’s limp penis with his erect one in his hand, hoping joint masturbation would bring Jim back quickly to a state of arousal and they could climax together. Moments later, he knew that would never suffice. He needed to possess Jim’s body. He felt frantic. Jim had promised his body. Spock lunged at the side table and grabbed a bottle of oil. He quickly coated his penis with the oil and lined up at Jim’s entrance. He knew Jim was not ready for penetration, but he could not wait. He was burning inside and out. He buried himself deep into Jim’s body with a single, merciless thrust.

The shapeshifter realized as Spock pinned the Captain to the bed that he had misjudged by denying Spock his release. It should have encouraged Spock to orgasm at the same time. Then Spock could have regained control in between. It was too much to have left him desperately aroused for so long in need of his Captain. The shapeshifter bit Jim’s lip as Spock continued to thrust home tearing into the Captain’s body. A tear slid from the corner of Jim’s eye as Spock pounded him mercilessly.  

_It is not enough_ , Spock thought. _I need more than just Jim’s body. I need all of him._ With his right hand, he reached out to meld them.

The shapeshifter knew then it would have to reveal itself. As Spock’s hand connected, it tried to protect its mind with shields and attempted to get through to Spock.

_Stop! It is I. Shareek of Ptoria. You are not with your Captain. Just the image of him. It is I, Shareek of Ptoria. Not Jim!_

_Shareek of Ptoria?_

_Yes._

Spock was reeling. He opened his eyes and saw Jim beneath him. He could see where Jim had bitten through his lip and the tear stains. He forced himself off him. _What have I done?_ He backed off the bed, bumping against the wall. He was so hard, it was painful. He grabbed his shaft to try and get some relief. But a moment later, Jim was beside him stilling his hand. “Use my mouth” was all he said as he fell to his knees before him. Spock began to thrust hard, holding Jim’s head tilted back so he could go deeper into his throat. He came quickly, then slid down the wall, trying to regulate his breathing, his head bent forward in shame. “Forgive me,” he choked out repeatedly in between gasps of breath.  

The shapeshifter fell back on Jim’s knees in relief. He took a moment to take in the distraught form of Spock, then leaned forward to try and make eye contact with his hidden head. It reached out to tip his chin up to allow eye contact, then rested a hand on Spock’s knee. “None of this was your fault. It was my recklessness. I underestimated the strength of your desire for your Captain. If I had not ordered you to wait, you would not have been in such need for release and the meld. The most important point is that there is no permanent bond.”

Spock shook his head. “I forced you. I lost control and physically raped you, and then I –”

“No. I told you before. Once I had you, you could have me. Somewhere inside you, you knew that I had consented.”

“I tried to force a meld. Unforgiveable.”

“Yes. But you did not. You had the strength to stop. Remember that. You stopped even in the aroused state you were in. It was my fault. I maneuvered you into that position, heedless of your warnings.”

Spock reached out and touched Jim’s cheek tenderly. “Shareek, I regret that you were required to reveal your true identify to protect yourself. I know it is not your custom,” he said solemnly.

“Stop it. It was necessary for you to know me, and I would do it again. It was my fault.” The shapeshifter then stood up and reached down for Spock, helping Spock to his feet. “Now try and get some rest. I will be with you shortly after I make arrangements for lunch.”

*****

Jim woke in his hotel bed on Altair VI having had a restless night. He was sure there was something more to Spock’s departure. His mind had played on repeat the scene from the prior morning when he had touched Spock and he pulled away so abruptly. He felt in his gut that Spock had run away out of fear. And it wasn’t fear of his emotions, because this time he acknowledged them – Spock had made it clear for the first time that his touch was _not_ unwanted. Spock feared his own actions. Jim kept hearing his words: ‘It is the timing. I do not have sufficient controls to ensure that any actions would be mutually desired.’  

In any case, he decided it couldn’t hurt to check in with his First Officer to see how he was doing. The worst thing that could be said was that Bones’ accusation that he was playing ‘mother hen’ was true. It didn’t take long to determine that Spock, while registered, had never checked in at the Lothlorian Retreat. Jim suspected Bones must be part of the cover-up, and it did not take long to trace Spock’s location by contacting Uhura and reviewing internal communication records between Bones and Spock. It wasn’t difficult to guess the nature of the services an establishment named the Pleasure Palace would be offering a Vulcan guest checked in under the alias, Mark Twain.

Jim paced his room wondering what, if anything, he should do with this information. Clearly, Spock had not chosen to confide in him, but he had spoken to the Doctor, who remained in his confidence. But why had Spock gone to the Doctor? Was it simply because it was a medical matter and he should respect that, or was it out of fear? If Spock needed to engage in sexual acts with someone because he had missed out on that on Vulcan, why hide it? He was perfectly capable of understanding sexual needs, and Spock would know that. Why run now? Just after acknowledging a mutual attraction. There had to be another reason. Was Spock ashamed, concerned he would think less of him because of his needs? Jim remembered his anguished words, ‘Captain, lock me away. I do not wish to be seen.’ Would Spock prefer to fuck a stranger to avoid embarrassment, when the alternative was to make love with him? Jim shook his head in negation as he paced, thinking that couldn’t be the answer – Spock had confided in him about pon farr. What else had he said? He had described pon farr as a period of ‘insanity’ and ‘madness.’ Jim shivered, remembering how Spock had not even recognized him during the Challenge. Did he fear what he might do when he was unaware? That was a possibility. Spock might run to protect his safety. Spock might be afraid of his own strength – that he could be too rough in his aroused state. But why had he said, “ _any_ actions would be mutually desired.” What was Spock keeping him safe from? Consenting rough sex, or was there more to it?

Jim contacted the Enterprise, told Scotty to get into his dress uniform, as he would be taking over for him for the rest of the festivities, which were due to start at 10 00 hours. He told Scotty to let Bones know when he arrived at the reception that he was occupied with private business and that he would see them both on the Enterprise at 18 00 hours.  

Jim quickly packed his gear and checked out, leaving a message for Bones at reception to head to the venue without him. He grabbed an aircar and 10 minutes later was walking into the lobby of the Pleasure Palace. He informed the registration desk that he needed to deliver a personal message to the guest registered as Mark Twain. Not surprisingly, the receptionist contacted the manager of the establishment, who informed him that their client’s privacy was of utmost importance and that given Mr. Twain had not indicated that he was expecting a guest, he would not be disturbed. Jim called the Enterprise from the lobby and had Chekov scan the building for a Vulcan to determine where Spock was located. He then informed the manager that either he was going to be beamed directly into the room, which might cause quite a scandal and loss of clientele if word got out, or they were going to go down the hall and knock, so he could enter the room and deliver the message.

*****

Spock was asleep when there was a knock on the door. The shapeshifter put on its robe and opened the door, expecting that lunch had arrived as ordered. It was quite a shock to look into the face of Spock’s Captain, but even a greater shock for Jim. It took a moment, but Jim regained his composure. “I would like to see Sp – Mark Twain. I have a personal message to deliver. May I come in?”

The shapeshifter pulled the door open wider, Jim entered, and it immediately closed the door again. “I am very pleased to meet you, Captain. If you would give me about 15 minutes, I will change my appearance so things will not be so awkward for you or for Spock, should he wake up,” the shapeshifter said quietly.

Jim paced the room, trying to make sense of things. _Why had Spock run from him only to ask a shapeshifter to change into his image? Why had he not asked him for help?_ Jim sighed, knowing he had not been able to solve that riddle earlier, and wouldn’t be able to now without some help from Spock. He paused, studying Spock’s naked body on the bed, admiring his lean musculature that belied his strength. _He must be exhausted if my arrival didn’t wake him._ Jim forced himself to sit down and be patient.

When the shapeshifter exited the bathroom wearing her bathrobe, she was the Altairian female who had greeted Spock. It silently observed the Captain for a moment. From the couch, he was looking at Spock with obvious appreciation and genuine concern. As it had discerned earlier in the meld, Spock’s memories were reality, not the altered perceptions that some species hold of their loved ones.

Jim gave her a welcoming nod, when he realized she had returned.

“Let’s move to this side room so we won’t disturb Spock. I’ll leave the door slightly ajar, in case he wakes.”

When they were both comfortably settled at the table, Jim began to speak in a low voice. “It is obvious Spock has told you something about me, I am not sure how much. I can guess what he has been doing here since yesterday afternoon. I don’t want details. It was a hard decision to know whether to come or not, given Spock wanted to keep this . . .” he waved towards the bed in the other room, “private. I know this is going to sound egotistical . . . I thought he might need me. I can see he is doing fine . . . that he is going to survive. I care about him a lot. I only recently figured out how much. If he needs someone for sex, I want to be the one. No disrespect intended, but I don’t want him turning to you. If he tells me to go, then I will, but I need to speak to him to understand why he felt he could not come to me. ”

“You are correct, Spock is going to be fine. I believe I understand why he left and will tell you what I know. Spock does need you, although I am not sure he will accept what you offer. First, let me say, yours was _not_ the shape he requested. For much of my time with him, I was an Earth female, Leila Kalomi.”

Jim nodded, recognizing her name. His jealousy over Spock’s attention to her had been his first realization that perhaps he wanted more than friendship from Spock. “She is quite beautiful,” he said wistfully.

“Yes. But do not be jealous,” the shapeshifter said, reaching out to touch Jim on the wrist. “Have you guessed why he came here?”

“I know the obvious part. He needed to have sex. I spent most of my morning trying to figure out why not with me? I suspect he ran away to protect me, but I am not sure from what. I want to be with him physically, and he knows that, so I suspect there is something more. But I have not been able to figure out the mystery.”

“You are correct. I know from the meld that you know about pon farr and the fact that Vulcans are compelled to mate, but perhaps what you do not know is that during pon farr, if during sexual intercourse, a deep mind meld is completed it will create a permanent bond. When a mind is attracted to another, in such a state, the desire to meld becomes overwhelming because that is the desired state for a Vulcan. Spock’s mind knows what his heart desires. He cannot help but be drawn to you, Captain. He did not –”

Jim instinctively knew where she was headed and finished her sentence. “. . . want to force me into a permanent bond if I was not ready for it. I guessed he was afraid of losing control, hurting me physically, during sex. I thought perhaps there was more, but I did not appreciate until this moment that he was protecting me from a forced bond.”

“He was right to be scared,” the shapeshifter acknowledged. “I underestimated how strongly he was drawn to you. I changed to your shape earlier this morning, _against_ his wishes after I saw what you meant to him in a meld. I thought he would derive more pleasure from being with you. He told me to change back, but I ignored him. I thought he had passed the worst part of his ordeal and had sufficient controls. I devised a test. I thought to test his controls by first dominating him _as_ you. I denied him his release, ordered him not to come, not thinking of the consequences. He was overly aroused, penetrated me and tried to force a meld. He was able to stop when I revealed my true identity, but –”

“But now he feels guilty and ashamed,” the Captain surmised.

“Yes.”

“What now? Do you think I should leave? Will he be able to handle my being here? If he wakes up and tries to force a meld again, then the guilt and shame might drive him over the edge.”

“I think that unlikely. He has been regaining his controls. Further, he did not immediately force himself on me. As I explained, it was after I aroused him and then denied him release, despite his obvious need, that he lost control.”

“He might object to my invading his privacy and tracking him down.” Jim wondered why he had not thought of that before he had hurried here. He had been so certain Spock would prefer him over a hired professional for sex, but now that he understood the real reason he had fled, he was second-guessing his instinct.

“He will not object when he understands it is your love for him, am I correct, that caused you to track him down. He is uncertain of the depth of your feelings – whether you would desire a permanent bond.”

“I do love him, but I’m not surprised that Spock is confused. Until a week ago, when his mating cycle began, I had no idea how much Spock truly meant to me. I knew I was attracted to him, but I have been physically attracted to other men and women. In any case, he had never actively responded to my advances, although the fact that he had not pushed me away, I took as a positive sign. I knew, if nothing else, we had developed a deep friendship. I had not guessed he was betrothed to another on Vulcan and could not offer me any more than friendship. Then I had to face the prospect of him dying as a result of pon farr. I realized that I would prefer him married to another, rather than face the prospect of him not being by my side. I don’t think he knows it, but I risked my Command, what I previously thought was the reason I got up each morning, to get him to Vulcan. When I had to make that decision, I realized he was the most important thing in my life,” Jim said, standing up to pace a little.

As Jim paced, the shapeshifter explained what it knew. “I am not sure if Spock is through his mating cycle or not. It is near its end. It could even be finished. If it is not and you stay, he will be drawn to you. If he becomes aroused, he may or may not have sufficient controls to prevent himself from forming a permanent bond with you during intercourse. I believe he was able to stop before because I communicated to his mind that I was not you. You understand he came here because he wanted to give you time to choose. He knows what his heart and mind desires. I have seen it too. He desires you as a mate for life.”

“I do understand, now. A permanent bond would create complications. There might be those who would question our abilities to make command decisions. They could take my Command away from me. Before, I would have said that is untenable, but now I know that is not true. It shows what kind of man Spock is, his integrity, that he left instead of rushing me, but I don’t want to leave. I know I want him permanently in my life. If the bond is necessary now, so be it. I will make him understand I know the risks and my choice is him,” Jim said emphatically.

The shapeshifter smiled at Jim in approval of his choice. “Since you have decided, I think I should go. Spock has the room until 18 00 hours, and lunch has been ordered.”

Jim shook his head in negation. “No. He should not have made decisions on my behalf. But I can’t decide for him either. We need to mutually agree.” Jim stopped pacing and put out his hand to pull her to standing, “Also, I think Spock would want to thank you for your assistance. I am glad you were here for him.”

“You are both most uncommon. Since you do not object to my staying, I will revert back to the shape of Leila Kalomi. If I am to stay, it would be as her. If I am to go, I should like to take my farewell as her.”

When the shapeshifter left the side room, Jim walked out as well and stood by the side of the bed. He examined Spock’s long and sinewy body and imagined, not for the first time, what it would be like to join with Spock in a passionate embrace. He remembered their roll on the sands of Vulcan. He had been fighting for his life and got an erection, and he was certain Spock had as well. Jim wasn’t sure how long he had stood transfixed looking at Spock, when he heard a knock on the door. When he opened it, several boxes of delivery food were handed over to him.

Jim had just finishing unpacking the food in the side room, when the shapeshifter emerged from the bathroom. “It looks like you knew I was coming with the amount of food you ordered,” Jim said with a quiet laugh.

“Spock’s appetite returned with breakfast. I think I didn’t have quite enough food then, although he didn’t complain. I wanted to make sure he had enough for lunch.”

“Well, our Doctor said he lost 5 kilos, so he does need to put some weight back on. I am sure you noticed he has a lean physique,” Jim said, giving Spock another appreciative once-over.

“He does have an appealing form. I have enjoyed it,” Leila said with a twinkle in her eye.

The aromas of the food seemed to be working their magic on Spock, as he was becoming noticeably more restless. He would likely be awake soon. Jim felt nervous anticipation in the pit of his stomach. Despite the shapeshifter’s assurances, he was uncertain how Spock would react to his presence and whether he would insist he depart. He began to pace, then thought better of that as he did not want to appear nervous, and so forced himself to sit on the couch. The shapeshifter also was uncertain how to approach what was to come and so simply stood at silent attention.

Finally, it became apparent that Spock was awake and alert, but he remained silent, as if in thought. He reached out his hand to make contact on the bed, but felt nothing. They watched him bite his lower lip, then swallow before saying quietly into the still room, “Forgive me, Shareek.” The shapeshifter climbed onto the bed and clasped his outstretched hand. Spock kept his eyes shut. “You changed back. It is for the best.”

“Spock, look at me, please.” He turned his head towards Leila’s voice. He opened his eyes, and the shapeshifter saw despair. It let go of Spock’s hand, then reached out to caress his cheek. “Remember, I told you. You have nothing to forgive. Nothing.” It leaned forward and gave Spock a soft kiss to assure him. “It was my fault. I ignored your warning.”

“I should have made you change back. I knew the danger. Yet, I wanted . . . too much,” Spock said in defeat, with a small sigh. It hurt Jim to hear Spock admit that he wanted him and to know he had not been here. Jim wanted to tell Spock that he had come now for him, but kept silent. His presence would be known soon enough.

“Spock, how are you now? You appear quiescent, but I am not sure if you are fighting yourself out of some misplaced sense of guilt. Do you truly have no pressing needs?”

An almost smile appeared on his lips. “Nothing at present. A good sign, given the time that has passed.” Then he reflected, “It is odd, even though you are in Leila’s shape, I can still smell the Captain’s scent. I thought when I first awoke that you were still in his shape. As much as I desired . . .”

Leila reached, placed two fingers over his lips to silence him. “He is here. Your Captain came this morning.”

Spock closed his eyes and clenched his fists.  

Jim watched his friend, his would-be lover and partner for life, knowing he was trying to deal with some inner conflict, trying to control his emotions. What did he feel? Joy. Fear. Desire. He wanted to reach out, to assure him everything would be alright, but knew better this time. It was his last touch which had driven him away in the first place. When finally Spock turned towards him and opened his eyes, Jim said softly, “We talked,” pointing between the shapeshifter and himself, “while you slept, and I believe I understand why you came here without me, but I want to hear it from you so there are no misunderstandings. Then we need to make a decision together about whether I stay or go.” Then he smiled and continued on, “But let’s enjoy lunch together first. It smells delicious, and I hear you finally have your appetite back.” Jim retrieved Spock’s robe and handed it to him, then turned to go into the side room, where he had set the food out earlier.

Spock sat up and took a few slow, deep breaths to center himself. Surely the Captain had surmised why he had checked in to an establishment named the Pleasure Palace, yet he had come. He wondered how much Shareek had explained – did Jim know it was more than just sex that had made him leave? He wondered apprehensively what his reaction would be when he understood the full truth – that he wanted to share his mind, not just his body, forever. He inwardly sighed in resignation. _Kaiidith_. Perhaps the truth had remained hidden long enough.

The three of them ate quietly, each distracted by their own thoughts. Jim gave Leila an appreciative smile as he watched Spock take extra helpings of virtually everything she had ordered. He could not recall ever having seen his friend eat so much, so at least he was certain that Spock indeed was on the road to recovery. When at last Spock was finished eating and they had cleaned up, the shapeshifter offered to leave the room to give them some privacy. It told them to contact the lobby when they had come to a decision.

They walked to the couch in silence, relatively close but apart. Each looked at the other, wanting to say something, but hesitant to begin this conversation. Finally, Jim began, “I’ve wanted to reach out and touch you since I got here. You are just an arm’s length away now, but it seems a million miles. I have never been scared to touch you before, but I am now.” Jim had heard the shapeshifter’s interpretation of why Spock left him, but he needed to hear it from Spock to be certain. “I feel that it was my last touch that precipitated your departure. I think you went away to protect me . . . not because of a lack of desire for me. Am I correct?”

“Affirmative,” Spock acknowledged, looking into Jim’s eyes.

Jim did not want to sound accusatory. “It was wrong to go without talking to me. Why did you?” he asked, reminding himself at the same time to be open to understanding Spock’s perspective.

Spock looked at him intently. “Initially, I had not realized what was happening. Your touch warned me that my body and mind were drawn to you beyond my ability to control. The Doctor’s medical evidence confirmed I could not ignore the problem. That I had not escaped pon farr. I could not risk a private conversation with you.”

“Why? We have always been able to talk before.”

Spock swallowed. “Jim, don’t you understand? I could not risk being alone with you again. Through your touch, I have felt your unconditional acceptance and, more recently, desire. My mind knows what my heart wants in a mate, and it is you. I might have forcibly taken both your mind and body without us ever having discussed a relationship. Even if I had maintained adequate control to have the discussion, you would have felt pressured to make a quick decision to save my life. Doctor McCoy told me you risked your Command to take me to Vulcan. I could not ask you to make such a decision without proper consideration. Also, do you understand that being with me does not just involve physical intimacy, it involves a sharing of our minds for life? You may be prepared to love me in the conventional Human sense, with your heart and body, but I also need to be one with your mind. Finally, I need exclusivity. I know you appreciate the female form. The sensations across the bond would be unbearable for me if you were to have sex with another. Friendship would be preferred to such agony. I recognize that what I require in a partner is not necessarily what you want or need to be complete. You need time to determine what _you want_. For this reason, it would be best if you left.”

Jim smiled. It was exactly what the shapeshifter had explained to him. Spock ran away because he was wasn’t sure of the depth of his feelings and to protect his free choice. Now, he needed Spock to understand that his choice was made. “I understand, but let me be clear, I want to stay here because I love you. I want a permanent relationship with you and only you, forsaking all others. I want to share all of me with you, heart, mind and body, and for you to do the same. It is only with you that I will be complete. I already decided that you are the most important person in my life. From this moment forward, I want you to make love with no one but me. Whether we form a permanent bond today out of necessity because you need it, or later when we pick a date, you will be mine.”

“What if you should know all of me and not like what you see?” Spock said timidly.

“That fear goes both ways, Spock. I trust that you can accept all of me, ‘warts and all.’ Please have faith in me.” Then Jim reached out at a hand and leaned within inches of Spock’s face and said, “Now tell me that I have permission to touch you.” Jim read the little crook at the side of Spock’s mouth for the approval it was, and Spock allowed his friend to pull his head forward for a kiss. The intensity of the kiss escalated quickly, and Jim soon found himself being pushed back on the couch, as Spock easily dominated him. As Spock positioned his body on top, his robe fell open, and Jim got to appreciate the aroused state of his Vulcan. Spock pulled Jim’s dress uniform open and guided his hand down his abdomen and into his pants, feeling the bulge contained by his regulation briefs. He slid the palm of his hand along the shape of Jim’s shaft and felt the dampness of pre-cum, the scent of which was filling the air. Jim emitted a needful grown, but stilled Spock’s hand in between kisses. “Stop. Spock . . . Spock . . . we should contact the lobby. Remember? Then we can have the rest of the day undisturbed. Can you wait?”

Spock gave him a searing kiss, then pulled his hand ever so slowly back out of Jim’s pants. With a definite smile in his voice, he replied, “I have waited 2.3 years for you. I can wait a few minutes more, but not much beyond that. Let us call. I do wish to thank my host.”

Spock pushed himself off Jim, then held out a hand to pull him off the couch. While Spock fixed his robe, Jim did up his uniform again. Spock contacted the lobby, and a few moments later the shapeshifter returned. It immediately noted the flushed appearance of the two occupants, the musky scent of Spock mingled with the Captain’s more subtle scent, and their erections, which were impossible to conceal. The shapeshifter was pleased for Spock that its services would no longer be required. He deserved to have his love returned. However, the shapeshifter jealously regretted that it was not going to experience his love and passion one last time. It reminded itself to treasure the wonderful encounters it had enjoyed. It had been a delightful experience.

The shapeshifter smiled at them both. “I can see you have made your choice. I am glad. The room is yours.” It turned to go.

“Wait.” Spock walked across the room to the door. After a gentle, lingering kiss, he held his hand above Leila’s temple. “May I?” The shapeshifter nodded assent.

_Thank you for everything. May I ask a personal question?_

_Yes._

_Why do you do what you do?_

_I lost my chosen one a year ago. I know what it is to feel alone. Occasionally, I can help someone be with their chosen one again, and I feel, through them, that special closeness again. It eases their pain and my pain too. Those occasions are by no means the norm, but those special moments are worth living for. This last day has been one of those days because of you, Spock of Vulcan._

_Be happy, Spock with your chosen one. You deserve it._

Spock then removed his fingers and said formally, raising his hand in the ta’al, “Live long and prosper, Shareek of Ptoria. I will not forget.” The shapeshifter knew his statement to be true and felt warmed by the thought.

Spock then shut the door and walked towards Jim, who was waiting with open arms. He did not intend to waste any of the remaining 7.2 hours they had prior to their return to the Enterprise.

*****

***

*

**Author's Note:**

> I never would have guessed that going to a K/S convention would inspire this accountant to write. I hope you enjoyed the story which started because after watching this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YYDvbHJETk I could not get the image of Leonard Nimoy kissing the girl from “The Balcony” out of my head (between 2:10 and 2:20 mark). I wondered if Spock was as passionate with Leila or does he have passion for only one person – his true love – James Tiberius Kirk. Check out this hot video which features Leonard Nimoy prior to Star Trek to the thumping music of Sugar.


End file.
